Have the kangaroos lost their boxing gloves?

Where did they lose it? Can declines be this rapid? How does one go from a force to reckoned with to a team in total disarray so soon? On a broad timeline it may not seem soon, but taking into view the stature Australia enjoyed two years ago, today is a completely different time zone for them. For all the talk of Australia's strong domestic structure and breeding system, the recent results and the squalor Aussies find themselves in, it doesn't match. You have a whole bunch of players donning the Baggy Green happily resting on the lack of replacements. Right from the captain. From once eagerly being watched to observe a keen test hundreds race with Sachin Tendulkar, there is now no talk of both in the same sentence. Agreed that that is more due to Sachin moving out of sight, but Ricky's runs are unflattering to say the least. And that unflattering form can be convincingly said to be reflecting in his leadership and vice versa.

The only talk of Ponting making news these days is his confrontations with the average Australian's spoilt brat Michael Clarke, vice-captain, over succession of captaincy, who's reliability is now on the same pedestal as Ricky's if not lower. And no more do people see him rolling over his 'golden arm' to offset his goof ups with the bat. His continual in the side has perplexed many Australian fans, reader mail and comments are increasing exponentially by the day. And Clarke occupies a crucial position in the batting order, No.4. India have Sachin, Sri Lanka have Mahela, England have KP there. That boldly highlights the weigh No.4 carries. And Clarke is doing anything but enforcing the innings and helping the team take charge. Any other argument needed to push him down the line-up let alone allow him to stay in the Test XI??

And what about the new golden arm boy (well not exactly, but he may try becoming one if he continues to stay) Marcus North? An old scooter that just doesn't start, but trotters along if it does. Looks like a batsmen who's solid, but never lends evidence to that. Scoring a hundred every 4 matches and scoring something like 20 in the rest is no good. And it's no good if you're the last change bowler who is brought on just to give others a breather or wait for the new ball while hoping to break a long standing partnership. Make up your mind Ricky! How do you want to use Marcus?? He is clearly too erratic at number 6, and you don't have enough faith in his bowling. What is he doing in your line up?

And Ricky would say to that, he is out of options. Well there I have to agree with him. When you axe your spearhead and new-ball bowler, Mitch and Hilfy, that tells a big story. The trial run of Bollinger and Harris hasn't been too satisfying either. After giving the duo another match, and if the same happens, where will Aus look after that? Bring back Mitch. I'd suppose they have to. And I was always quite skeptical of axing him. He has had such pointless matches in the past. The 2009 Ashes started for him the same way before he regained his focus. Of course, I've heard people say he is not a world class bowler but just manages to pick up a few wickets here and there with some rough and shoddy bowling. But he did, and he has picked up more than others, however unconvincingly it was. When all his replacements, are faith-wise on the same boat, what meaning is there in axing him?

It is an eyesore to see a revolving door at the spinner slot after Warne's adieu. Doherty has failed to impress after being called on for Nathan Hauritz. Nathan Hauritz looked like the final answer for the problem till he went to England for the tests vs Pakistan and the subsequent tour of India. Of course there's the talk of Ricky not giving him freedom, setting bizzare fields for him and expecting too much from him in those circumstances. Shane Warne has defended Hauritz with the preceding sentence. Will there now be a Doherty replacement? If so who? Hauritz a high doubt, Krezja and Casson are not even in the reckoning. Steven Smith now in the squad will mostly get another look in. But will they persist with Smith? They have to. He is agreed by many to be their best option. Has been for more than 6 months.

It is apparent that the bowling attack is toothless. But it doesn't have to be so. And it wouldn't if the combination is rightly picked. But they have to get it right soon. The longer this winless streak continues, the deeper Australia go, and the harder they'll find themselves to come out of it morally and psychologically. It is precisely a psychological problem, a confidence crisis most of their bowling attack is facing. They may not be feared at the least, but the right combo is capable of getting 20 wickets a match. It has been seen in the past, out of the same set of bowlers.

Wounded Aussies are no longer dangerous, they just keep getting weaker and more susceptible. All teams can see that right now. And they will come hard at them with their boxing gloves on. Unless Australia, Tim and Ricky (and Clarke, maybe) sort out basic inadequacies in the team and apply their minds to the team, they wont get themselves out of this hole, let alone back on track. They wont find their long lost boxing gloves. For cricket's sake they have to. Though many would love to see Aussies go the way of the then wonderful Windies (or even worse), in the long run it will only be a big loss for cricket. That can be realised by imagining how good it'd be if someone with Walsh, Ambrose and Lara's quality were still playing for Windies and pushing teams to the limit. It is in Australia's hands for them to do themselves and cricket a favour, but their present image doesn't inspire any confidence...

Making New(s) business

They say that when one door closes, another one opens, implying that there is always an opportunity for someone even when they feel all is lost. Just kick away the word door from the previous sentence and drop in the word 'gate' and you'll find that it is entirely true. From IPLgate through commonwealthgate, kargilgate, and spectrumgate we have finally landed at mediagate (#barkhagate as it is better known among tweeters), while another gate about land allotments runs a sideshow in Karnataka.

But Barkhagate seems to be bolted shut with our otherwise over-enthusiastic, privacy-infringing, fanatical and at times unbearably vocal news anchors fully choosing to keep away from Barkhagate. This is very striking given the hunger that drives our news channels to unethical practices while reporting sensitive and dangerous issues (viz live coverage of 26/11) and even going about their own sting duties. It is also interesting to note that it is these journos who planted bugs to record telephone conversations to nail corrupt officials. Thus it surely has come as a setback (by no means a shock though, given that this has been happening with full attention and intent). Surely the oddity would be glaring if "We the people" had its running topic as "Has Barkha Dutt lost her integrity" or "Has Barkhagate shadowed a Rs. 1760000000000 scam? (please count to ensure i have put 10 zeros)" with Barkha herself hosting it, jumping to sections of audience asking " So your saying that it's not just Barkha, but every news anchor who has sold his soul to TRP?", while keeping up her habit of cutting speakers midway through their sentence.

Thats where the question is. TRP. It's quite intriguing that the media is losing out on a huge chunk of TRP by near-boycotting expansive deliberations on Barkhagate, all because of, well.., its Barkhagate, Mediagate in general. NDTV and co are ignoring the magic lamp because the snake that guards it is their own creation. But quite certainly Barkha wont be bothered about all the lost TRP. Niira and Raja would have given her enough zeros as a part of the PR work that helped sustain spectrumgate. One of the reasons she gave in her defense was "why would i lobby for Raja? I've never met him, i dont know him. I've always attacked him on air". Thats probably the symbiosis of the whole episode - 'Raja, I'll lobby for you, you do your loot, I'll do my usual obnoxious hype on TV for some good solid TRP. All I want is 1x10^-6% of your loot" (Raja would have been delighted of course given that 1x10^-6 is the smallest percentage he's ever heard). And Barkha will be counting zeros as i said, zeros... something all her opinion on NDTV should rightfully count for from now.

What should worry sincere journos now is the word that now defines relationship between them and politicians - nexus, instead of say cooperation (though it exists between them), or partnership. While there have been several discussions in the past about political power buying media space (those aware of Jaya TV will be all too familiar with it), how startling is it when you know that Barkhas are actually volunteering willfully instead of it being an actual buyout of media space and time by politicos? PM Manmohan Singh, the sitting duck PM (sympathies to him more that aversion), told a gathering of eminent journalists how they were the guardians of democracy. They are quite clever at exercising their democratic right to profession of actually 'making' news and are currently, after Barkhagate, failing to adhere to the right to information (giving news that is actually made 'on' them).

Feigning uncertainty during cabinet formation, quite hilarious. Barkha could've been direct with her reporting, saying " .... and Im trying to get Raja the telecom ministry. The PM is yet to talk with Karunanidhi and Alagiri. But Im doing my best, dear viewers, but do keep watching NDTV... Because we will be the first to know, you know, because Im directly involved...". So after the next elections if the gatemaster is still at NDTV, for all you know the oath taking ceremony could be held in the NDTV studio with the bottom center of the screen reading: " In the chair: Hon'ble GateMaster".....

P.S: The New Indian Express published the transcripts of Barkhagate last saturday. Interested people with nothing else to do can try grabbing a copy.

Of Threats and Resources

There is the old adage that barkin dogs seldom bite. Though i don't have courage to test the validity of that adage, i have been picking up clues that seem to suggest it may be true after all. I will be more clear on that after October 18th, when my beautiful state Tamil Nadu's opposition leader, J Jayalalitha addresses a meet in the beautiful temple city, the state's second biggest city, of Madurai. Out of care for my beloved state's peace and well-being I will be happy to see that adage stand firm (though I still may not risk standing in front of an actual barking dog).

As has become a repeated report in our local dailies, Jaya TV, the opposition Party's mouth-piece, has received letters of threat to Jaya's life if she does end up meeting in Madurai, from the local wing of the ruling party. I must confess here that I myself would've had a silent smirk of happiness had the threat letters been for a demand to abolish Jaya news, which I find to be the most intolerable half hour ever in television history. Don't get me started on the Jaya TV English news. Well, jokes apart, this makes me wonder what this business of threats is. How often has actual crime followed a threat? When one kidnaps someone, the ransom call is made later. In more admonishable cases, attacks, it is after the incident that groups rush for a share of the pie. In cases such as this, one can almost surely say, these are publicity stunts from hitherto largely unknown goons to gain notoreity and acceptance in their local wards. Take Iran's Md Ahmedinejad for instance. No one knew who he was, until he started making condemnable and semitic statements and started posing as strongman capable of teaching the US a lesson. Varun Gandhi is another. Threat is just a tool to turn the key in your hand into a wrenchpipe.

What this will end up doing is turn Madurai into a sink for Police Forces, CRPF and other valuable security resources, in a bid to avoid serious commotion if the barking dog did bite. This is indeed sad and doesn't bode well for the overall well-being of the state. I can recall that May last, the Civil, Instrumentation and Electrical Departments of the National Institute of Technology, Tiruchirapalli were ransacked by unidentified elements, with the security to have been on duty being assigned election work. Atleast that's understandable, since safe elections are vital for a thriving democracy such as ours. But what about for cheap stunts such as this? And without doubt there will be a large police contingent there, if the state govt does heed to her Z-plus or whatever crap class security. And going by the strength of the crowd that turned out in Trichy recently for a similar meet, such scale of police security will be needed as the seldom biting adage cannot be taken too literally when thousands of human lives are involved.

So what am I saying, having said that the accumulation of police is bad, only to retract by saying that the police are needed at the meet spot? Im saying that smooth functioning of daily human life across the state is important. That is, the police services are needed uniformly across the districts. The need is to tackle these cheap stunts through the law. But as the law when involving our political parties can be thought of as a bureaucracy, innovation is needed. We have an overseeing body called the election commission that regulates the election as well as campaigns. Just as it bans distribution of money, saris, jewellery etc, it should also ban the issual of threats and if not followed penalties such as disqualification from contesting in the constituency from where threat was issued should be imposed. And there should also be a way to check the rampant misuse of state resources like buses, public spaces like parks, beaches etc. Returning from my convocation last Saturday i was witness to the rampant misuse of state buses just for transporting congress cadre in and out of Trichy. I was able to identify that the passengers were just the party cadre from the fact that (other than banners stuck below the windshield) all inside were comfortably seated, none standing, and no conductor present. I counted no less than 35-40 buses just in a 30 minute journey. And when i tried to get a bus change to go from Chatram Bus Stand to Srirangam at 9.30pm i was dismayed to find i had to wait 15 mins for a bus to come ( I wonder where the private operators went) when usually at that time of the day you can find 2 or 3 buses to Srirangam at the same instant. What bearing this would have had on regular passengers who would be waiting haplessly at various bus stands around Trichy, Salem and Thanjavur, I wonder when such a large fleet of buses is misused. And mind you this is just on the Trichy-Thanjavur route. Guess how many more would have been misused on the various other routes out of Trichy viz towards Madurai, Thuraiyur, Chennai, Salem, Pudukottai etc. But alas here the Election Commission is also a puppet as one of my friends points out to me.

Does care for the state's population just a numbers game to be decided on holding numerous meetings across the state? Should it not be reflected in a true leader, to feel happiness when he/she sees his state going about its daily work smoothly and without hassles?? That's what makes a true leader proud- to see his empire happy and prosperous. It is just that the leaders of the present day are just leader's of a party and not the state or country. Which is i suppose why, parties have internal elections to elect their leader. B'ah! I'd rather see threat letters issued for resource misuse, and hope I dont get threats for posting this.

Why the Airtel Champions League made no sense

In order of importance:

1. Unequal Representation: While the 2009 edition saw the participation of the top two teams of England's domestic t20 league, this edition was devoid of an English team, for reasons of a clash with the domestic circuit. Mind that England are the international T20 champions of the year, and are without a domestic team representing them. The 2009 edition was meanwhile without a team form New Zealand, for whom the Central Districts Stags got a spot this time around.

2. Infancy of domestic T20 leagues: Though the Indian Premier League is nearing is 4th edition, T20 leagues elsewhere, with the exception of England (which makes it even more questionable to be without an English team), are still in their formative stages. The Australian T20 Bash has been successful, but it's younger even than the IPL. Overall the leagues are more or less haphazard, which is why this edition was without previous finalists, New South Wales Blues and Trinidad&Tobago. Such a tournament should pit teams from well established leagues with one another, as happens in Football's UEFA Champion's League, on which ACLT20 is idealised.

3. Errant team compositions: Many players are involved with two teams, that end up qualifying for the tournament. Case in point is West Indian Kieron Pollard. With Trinidad&Tobago in the 2009 edition, with Mumbai Indians in IPL2010, with South Australia Redbacks in T20 Bash and opted for Mumbai Indians this tournament. A team cannot be expected to let a player be a double agent ( a triple-agent in Pollard's case). A player cannot be involved with more than one team going into a tournament. Uncertainties don't bear well for any of the teams. With the same player being involved in more than one domestic league is acceptable, as his presence in a team doesn't affect the prospects of others in the same domestic league. But when the same player has helped two teams enter a tournament, as in this case, there is a conflict. Pay-offs are arranged in this case, but that is more a job of hushing up dissent.

4. Multiple commitments: For example, Kevin Pietersen of Royal Challenger's Bangalore. ACLT20 is an international event going by the different geographies of the participants. KP is now playing at County. Even had he not, he would've still been a part of the national team in the ODI series vs Pakistan and thus would have missed ACLT20. Staging this event in clash with the ODI series or any other International fixtures will unfailingly make a player fore-go the tournament. It is perhaps an easy excuse to do without domestic English teams, and given that there aren't any Englishmen in any IPL team, the effect wasn't felt in this case. Now if future ACLT20s clash with fixtures for Australia or South Africa, IPL teams, and domestic Australian and South African teams will take a hit and be deprived of quality. There is the reasoning that there is no better space in the calendar - but i say, find space that affects none. Omissions of teams or players is just a very bad idea for getting away.

5. Wait till IPL's new auction: With all IPL teams to undergo a major reshuffle, in wake of the two new teams, the next ACLT20, may very well be without any of the 3 IPL teams featuring now. This is why it would have been best to wait for all leagues around the take shape before unveiling this. When a previous finalist doesn't feature, it is more akin to a ramp for new teams to show case themselves rather than a 'Champion's league'

A 'Test'imony series

Come October, the World's #1 ranked test team play a disproportionately short test series (due to lack of fixture space) that would redeem their status as the best in the world. Having clinched the top of the board slot at the beginning of the year, India silenced critics (me included) who were questioning their status, by winning against Sri Lanka at home, and holding contender's South Africa to a draw after conceding early in a two match series (After clearing space for two tests in a schedule of 5 odis and zero tests, surprisingly). And of late they held Sri Lanka in their own backyard in a series played for most part without the substantial Muthiah Muralitharan. They now enjoy a healthy, i dunno, 7 i think, point lead over second place South Africa. India are riding the bubble.

But the story is different in the opposite camp. After literally owning the #1 spot for almost the whole decade, Australia now are a mediocre 4th in the points table. And it is very well reflective of their performances in the recent past. The Ashes slipped away in 2009, mustered up a couple of victories against lower ranked teams, before recently managing to only level their two test series in England vs Pakistan, the second of which exposed the cracks in the line up pretty clearly when getting skittled out for a paltry 88.

India has always been a tricky place for the Australian touring party, having had only one series victory in a 50 year period in 2005, in a 4 match series led by Adam Gilchrist ( don't i just love saying that...!!!). But nonetheless, there was always high levels of energy and optimism in their camp regardless of history, which took a severe beating in their previous tour here in the October of 2008. Their expectations are expectedly much lower this time, evidenced by their captain Ricky Ponting's displeasure at the timing of the series vis-a-vis next year's Australian Ashes. The mood of the Indian viewer reflect the same sentiments. For the past decade i have, as have many of you, noticed the uncertainty expressed by fans over India's chances against the Australians amid the high fervour and support for the Indian team. This time around, it's very much different, something almost visibly vibrant. Whether it is confidence of India's ability, or over the fall of Oz's supremacy, local expectations and anticipations are sky high. Anything other than a 2-0 victory would be a disappointment, judging the mood. What a change from just a couple of years ago...!!!

Analysing the team strength too would give a clear verdict. Openers Sehwag/Gambhir vs Watson/Katich clearly gives the Indians the hand at least for firepower. Dravid vs Ponting too would go to Dravid going by Ponting's lean run. Tendulkar vs Clarke is a no-contest. Raina vs North cannot be judged just as for Dhoni vs Haddin. It is in the bowling department that Australia will hope to scuffle India's strengths. But on subcontinental wickets, it too remains to be seen. Johnson and Bollinger will have to sweat it out as will Ishant Sharma for India, while Hilfenhaus will try to put best use of the early overs. Most Importantly, India rate over the opponents in the spin department (Hauritz/North vs Harbhajan/Ojha), and come day 4, a lot will matter regards this. Lastly, individual confidence levels will rise high over their counterparts quite surely, and one can expect a domineering performance from the home side. It has never been so much of an Advantage Men in Blue ( ok white..). The only thing that India should pay extra care now is, well Yuvraj's axing reminded me of it, fitness. About time the Saurashtrian Pujara got to share the dressing room. With three IPL teams in the ongoing Airtel Champions League,it would be a setback of sorts for a big gun to develop a problem. One has to pay extra care to that.

In the One-Day department, Australia gave India an unexpected eye-opener in their last series here last year. India with the clearly stronger side failed to produce the goods. It was an injury hit series for both sides, but the Australian's pulled themselves together to upset India 4-2 (well, it was an upset, accept it. It's strange to call an Australian victory so, but that series was. Due to the confidence put up by channels before it). Three ODIs this time. India wouldn't be repeating the same this time one feels, with Australia having taken a beating at England's hands in that too.

It may be a very short tour,but its importance cannot be underestimated. It is a tour that will provide an indication to the tilting power balance in cricket. It is important for both teams keeping next year's 'real' world cup in mind. The onus is now on India to stamp their authority on world cricket other than on sponsorship and viewership terms. And all sides point that they will emerge on top very surely this time. Apropos the title, this series will be a testimony to India's claim to be the top gun in test cricket.

It's a shame that a series of such magnitude is so short. Blast...!!!

Introspection

Every one of you must have come across sermons on the values of benefits and goodness that derives from qualities of inspiration and motivation- either through a reading exercise during school or quite simply you were recommended to read books on a certain, positive-thinking, by certain authors or a program on TV where someone rendered eloquence on how thinking positive helps. But though many are fascinated by sayings from great people and true stories and incidences of unimagined success put forth in these programs or books, not many have questioned the strike-rate, if i may call it that, of this positive-thinking. Is positive thinking universal?

While inspiration and motivation do really help people towards accomplishments, since without them there will be no actual drive to complete a task and achieve and hence no movement, positive thinking in my opinion does no good. It is clear that inspiration, motivation and positive thinking are not dependent. For example one may not have any inspiration or interest, but will have very strong positive thoughts about doing something stupendous. While the majority of the world may disagree with me by saying that it is only by believing in oneself , by thinking positively, would one actually attempt a task, i would say that there is a gulf between realistic self-belief and the Peter Pan class self-belief that many of these writers advocate, that very class of self belief that the majority of the world are dazzled just to read of or hear about.

The useful form of self-belief, the realistic one is having belief in something you know you can do, and hence you have a positive thought of reaching the finish line. It may not have to be a routine thing, but even something you are attempting for the first time. For example, take a handicapped person. If he knows that, other than his disability, he is quite fit and strong, he may aspire to participate in the paralympics. That is realistic and motivated. But say he read one of these books and starts to believe in fantasies, and makes up his mind to work hard and try to beat say Tyson Gay, quite frankly the book, the pretty overcooked inculcation of positive thinking has done much bad to him. Such kind of positive thinking is the one that is being advocated around the world. My example might be an exaggerated one, but i think I've made my point.

There is also a more serious side to fully believing in positive thinking would help us per se. It tends to put one in a non-stop mode in many cases. There are quite a few example where people have tended to keep believing their fruit will one day bear fruit and kept going in pursuit of something they are just not going to achieve. It clouds people from seeing the cliff ahead and they fail to apply the brakes and stop. Three perfect example come to mind where people blinded by irrational positive thinking have gone in pursuit of wondrous ideals and ended up with an empty hand. The first is the countless people who throughout history have gone in search of the Holy Grail. The crazy thing is that most of these people first of all were not sure even what they were to be looking for or where they should look, and just scampered like headless chicken, possibly inebriated by positive thinking, in search of fame. They may have achieved some fame after becoming known as people who went in search, but it clearly falls way short of what they set out for. You may argue that without the positive thinking they wont have been as famous as they ended up being. But try telling that to someone who got only a fraction of what he wanted. If not for the irrational ingredient of our Stephen Covey and co., such people would rather be guided by the 'realistic' self belief and get more out of their lives.

The second is the voyage around the world by the famous Magellan. Now leave Magellan. There were around 160 more on board than him. Only 15 made it back home. Magellan can claim that he went around the world. What about the scores of other sailors. How long would they have maintained positive thoughts when they realised they are out of supplies? Here time is being guided by luck and chance. There is no 'Power of Positive Thinking' here. The deceased sailors could've thought positive of returning home all they wanted, but they would've known it was more likely they were not going to make it. Could've rather prayed to god to give them luck. You can say praying to god and luck are irrational, but then so is positive-thinking. This isn't to blame Magellan, as the tragedy was something he didn't expect. This incident is just an example to falsify the miracles in positive thinking. Not Magellan.

And finally, to convince readers, something more contemporary. The Stock Market boom of the 90s. One can say it made many a millionaire, but most of them were excellent manipulators rather than core positive-thinkers. Rather the success could've made them the positive thinkers we attribute them to be. This is something i'll about tell very shortly. What happened here was that, every common man soon joined the band-wagon. Only that they were just 'positive thinkers' but very ordinary manipulators and forecasters. They entered the 'Peter Pan' zone of self belief that nothing can go wrong and all will be rich. According to me, despite phenomena such as currency appreciation, share rise, and value appreciation etc, there is something called as conservation of money, just like energy. It may not algebraically equate, but i believe it exists. Nonetheless, whether it exists or not, those who entered the Peter Pan self-belief zone, suffered the impact of the collapse, and only ended with less than what they had at the beginning.

As i was mentioning above, most of the famous people who claim they are where they are because they are positive thinkers, do so only because they fortunately, and only by other virtues were able to get there. I can thus ask the question, ' How many of the positive-thinkers have actually been to emulate the incidences that prompted them to be positive thinkers?'. Hardly a handful. Thus it can be said that even if these people are actually positive-thinkers, they are actually able to be so only because they are able to feed such thoughts, and the food is the successes they've had. When someone who's faced more failures in his life tries to emulate this, he has no food for positive thoughts, he lets the thoughts to starve and the thoughts die. If he still continues to have irrational positive thoughts, quite simply his thoughts become weak and fragile. And since it is the mind which houses all kinds of thoughts, it is the mind which is now unkempt, and we have a mentally unwell person. All successful people say such things only because the world audience denies bragging rights. If one were to say they are where they are because they're much intelligent than everyone else, society deems him as arrogant. If one says they are lucky, society doesn't give them the same adulation, though quite a few do come out and accept they were lucky, commendably. Probably if more successful icons owned up to the qualities they're gifted with rather than attributing it to irrational factors, half the world wont be walking up blind alleys, only to fall off the edge of the world.

Which brings me to the title of this write-up. Do some introspection on yourself. Determine 'realistically' what you are capable of doing. Unless under compulsion like the NASA scientists of the first man moon mission, do not dream of Peter Pan zones for yourself, don't believe that you can fly by thinking positively. Severe introspection may leave you feeling small and inadequate but it WILL SAVE you from walking up blind alleys.

How to train your Nasty Neighbour

Yes we do have nasty neighbours, so nasty that they throw pests and insects into our backyard, over the wall, our Line-of -control (LoC). But what do we do with these nasty neighbours? They just wont listen. We dont know, our government and leaders are no better. So who do we complain to. Well, I dont know. But there are some people who would have a good idea how to deal with them. With the ideas in our current leaders, i think it wont look out-of-reality if we try any of the ideas suggested by those few who have such out-of -the box solutions. Here's a look at a few:

1. The Luca Brasi way - In this age of technology, globalisation and blah blah.. everyone expects everything to be formal i.e to wear suits when meeting even your worst enemy ( even if it involves getting a bullet pierce that coat making it all red-stained), and most importantly verbal assurances are invalid. People want signatures to be sure its all settled ( though they may believe it is Gilani who has finally accepted, even if it is Krusty the Clown who signs). Luca Brasi (the classical hitman from 'The Godfather') fits the bill - coat, bullets and.... he can get the signature (or brains) on the paper. After all Luca is an expert at providing ' offers you can't refuse'. Surely this will work right....??

2. The Captain VijayKanth way: The macho-istic Kollywood hero, the James Bond of Tamil Nadu has starred in a couple of patriotic sentiment movies like Narasimma. Just imagine Captain rather than a Mr. Krishna or anyone else meeting Qureshi . One, Vijaykanth is a master at hyptonomy, even without a pendulum. One can think of no other reason why there are scenes of intense focus on his eyes many a movie. Surely a person who can hyptonize a cameraman (who looks only through camera lenses), can hyptonize one who looks at him directly. It thus becomes clear what Captain would do. After hypnotizing Qureshi or Gilani or whoever, he will start speaking his famous dialogues, which are unbearable if not in the hypnotized state, and make them obey his words. Two, Even if someone breaks out of his gaze and fires at captain we all know who the bullet will actually strike.

3. The Severus Snape way: Holding the record for the most inaudible voice, you will wonder how on earth he would be of any use. Snape will speak so low and coldly throughout the meeting, that to understand it would be a herculean task. In order to decipher the audio, Pakistan'll divert all its resources and US funding and manpower including terrorists to build a super powerful power plant to provide high enough voltage to operate a new amplifier that can amplify Snape's voice to above 20 dB. The Snape strategy doesn't require any signatures on paper, it achieves desired results in a unique way. For one, the Chinese aided and built Nuclear reactor will spend its lifetime on a mundane purpose. Two, there wont be enough funds left for ISI and co to use for its rogue activities since all money in the country is concentrated on that project. So ISI will get angry and start hampering US interests in Pakistan, after which US'll get worried about its Afghanistan plan and start bombing all ISI bred terror outlets thus cleaning up India's border. Lastly, Snape is the master of Defence against the 'Dark Arts'. So who better??

4. The Bachchus way: I till a few seconds ago didn't know who Bachchus is/was. I searched for the Greek God who gave king Midas his wish. This was the result. If India do somehow ask permission from Greece to borrow their god for one day, this is an effective and fitting strategy. When Bachchus goes for an Indo-Pak meeting he can grant them the wish that whatever the anti-India elements in Pakistan touch, should explode. Of course, Bachchus should refrain from shaking hands at the end. Terrorists will be double-crossed at this. If they pick up their guns it'll explode in their face. They can't come and touch everyone to kill them, as they will likely be killed by the bullets from Border Security. Only thing is that BSF in such cases would benefit more by shooting the palm to cause collateral damage.

5. The Christopher Nolan way: Simple. Incept the minds of the target. But the deeper one keeps going i.e deeper levels of dream, there is a danger that our already old officials could grow older and die, and thus go into limbo. But same applies on the other side too. Better to send one of the Nolan characters to do the inception than our fellows. Dr. Crane from Batman Begins without a doubt. He will spray halucinogen on Qureshi or whoever and then put on his Scarecrow mask and terrorise him. Inception done by fear rather than an emotional incident, a reverse catharsis. When out of the dream, there will be a loud scream and the nasty neighbours will be nasty no more.

The Making of a Magician

Muthiah Murlitharan has decided he's had enough of the classical format of the gentleman's game. Muralitharan was probably not the classical spinner, for revolutionaries are rarely classic, but a gentleman he sure was. A revolutionary of all sorts he was - from putting himself miles ahead of runner-up Shane Warne who has 709 test wickets, and also with regards to the revolutions he imparts to the ball. The dismissal of MS Dhoni in his last test is the most recent demo of the exaggerated turn he can get out of even a partially helpful surface. His anticipating wide open eyes, his happy grin and enthusiastic appeals will be lasting images. His farewell to tests marks history with great spinners now having bid adieu and the leading spinners now, India's Harbhajan Singh and New Zealand's Daniel Vettori not having even half of Murali's tally.

In a 18 year career, Murali has probably made his property almost all bowling records that can strike your mind. It was mind-blowing to watch a list of records that was screened on ten-sports on the last session of the test, before the commentator had to apologetically say there's much more he hasn't told. As many as 800 test wickets, 67 test 5-wicket in an innings hauls, 9 wickets in an innings twice, 50 plus wickets against all test playing nations, a cabinet full of man of the match and man of the series trophies. But most of all it is his consistency against teams that are traditionally good handlers of spin, or for any. The stat that many critics point to, that he has a good chunk against Zimbabwe and Bangladesh, is only a pointer to the obvious tendency that those teams will struggle more against his genius. Even deducting those scalps leaves Murali with a whopping 600 plus. In fact, there are only a handful of names that can be credited with being able to handle him. Brian Lara's name comes to mind automatically. Maybe Andy Flower and Marcus Trescothick could join him, with their accurate and long strides and ability to employ the sweep to good effect. None other i can think of atleast.

It is perhaps this incredible genius that made former Sri Lanka skipper, Arjuna Ranatunga, who Murali was quick to express gratitude, to lead his team in protest after Murali was no-balled for a suspect action by Darrell Hair in the 1993 seris in Australia. Murali was cleared, but had to face agony again, this time from umpire Ross Emerson who had the nerve to say Murali didn't deserve his record. But then ICC discovered that a whole lot of bowlers bent more than the then permissible limit, and agreed to relax the rules in view of the larger interest of the game. A gentleman Murali, though, told Tony Greg on his last day's presentation ceremony that both umpires were actually correct since they had been merely doing their jobs and he held nothing against them. A trademark of a role model.

The most fearful thing about facing Murali is that the batsman can never be sure what is coming. Is it his off spinner, which itself can turn a mile to cause headaches, or whether it is his famous 'doosra', or a skidder, or maybe even a Warney leg spinner that Murali once delivered to good effect from around the wicket. Also to note is that Murali has always been an excellent fielder off his own bowling.

It is Murali who has actually helped the cricket fans of this generation gain awareness of legends like Jim Laker. It can be said that his determination made him. On asked how he'd feel if he doesn't get 800 wickets on day 2 of his last test, he said he had made up his mind that 800 is just another number and so he would still not regret deciding to retire one match too early. Quite surely 15 years ago we witnessed Murali making up his mind to continue for Sri Lanka no matter how many times he's no-balled, no matter how many times he's examined. It is that 'Making up of Murali's mind' that has got him 800 test wickets, that has made Murali the Muthiah Muralitharan that the world now knows.

A word repository

There are times when your head houses a lot of ideas and thoughts but nothing concrete comes out of it all. For example after the Indian Rupee got its new symbol, everyone went ecstatic heralding the dawn of new era, about how India entered an elite group of countries. I envied how those who were picked out of the street by news channels had something to say about it on the spot. I imagined myself being asked about it, and all i found myself saying was some utter gibberish like "wow, our Rupee has a symbol. Now in future we need to press only one key on our keyboards, instead of the two needed for 'Rs'". And then the reporter told me " I think you'll need to hold down shift. So its two keys again". And then I' cry "D'oh!", and become the embarrassment of the nation on a day it should've felt proud.

So i stopped thinking of that bit of news. Just as to keep pace with me and to target my lack, so did the news channels. They went on to a certain Indo-Pak composite dialogue. Till date I dont know what 'Composite' means. All I know it means it isn't simple. Which probably is the reason behind all the trash talking that followed. Mr. Krishna probably went to Qureshi and said "The complete delegation inclusive of my personal being, has its reservations and skepticism over the Kilo-Joules expended by the concerned parties from your side, in ensuring punctual and sincere satisfaction of our needs to bring to book the admonishable and heinous conspirators of 26/11", when all he really should've said was "We're angry." Mr. Qureshi was taken aback by the longest opening sentence in dialogue process history and decided enough words were spoken for the meeting. So he cut short on voicing his concern. He wanted to say " We are disappointed that GK Pillai is not patient with our handling of Hafeez Sayeed". So he deleted 10 words from the script and ended up with a blunderous "GK Pillai is Hafeez Sayeed". Hopefully some months down the line i hear of an Indo-Pak Simple Dialogue process. Atleast the ordinary citizen will be able to understand what the talk is.

And as far as some of those burning their houses over the broken dialogue are concerned; they want Octopus Paul to predict whether the next such attempt will bomb or not. This would've started a debate between Germany and Spain. Germans who were already researching a new Octopus delicacy for predicting Spain over them, silently pray that it predict a successful dialogue, so that LeT and ISI would save them the trouble of preparing a dish that many mentally sane Humans expressed disgust about ingesting. Spain on the other hand were more worried about a more fatal prediction. A prediction doing the rounds of everyone's mobile inboxes in Tamil Nadu - Whether Vettaikaran is better or Suraa is. It is feared that faced with such a choice, it would jump out of its aquarium and die. Probably the easiest prediction it is faced with is whether Velayutham would flop or hit the box office. With a section of keen gamers vying for Dr's blood for stealing from Assassin's Creed, and theaters refusing to screen the movie over non-payment of compensation for the losses from screening Suraa, Paul has his easiest prediction to make. But then Dr could get angry over such a prediction and shout at it to maintain "SILENCE!!!". It's a hard hard life for an Octopus.

It would rather agree to be transferred to some other aquarium so that it can jump from the flight over mid-ocean and start living with ordinary octopi . Hopefully it would be a flight headed to anywhere except Mexico. Lest it jump right into some slimy oil. With the way things are going BP may pick it up and ask it to predict whether they will make more money trading oil or by setting up the world's grandest Salmon, Prawn and Tuna Barbequeue.

But that could lead to Usain Bolt and Co gaining few extra pounds after finding roasted Salmon selling at ridiculously cheap rates in Jamaica. He would then feel that the only setting he can get away with gross unfitness (don't worry Mr. Kirsten. Im not talking about your boys) is the Commonwealth Games. Probably MS Gill will take it easy after pleading with them to "Bring your athletes and not your officials" and "also bring some Barbequeue Tuna".

A Beginner's Guide To FIFA World Cup 2010 South Africa

The world's most awaited spectacle is less than a month away. The FIFA World Cup 2010. The first World Cup in Africa. Also the World Cup that see's Diego Maradona's return albeit as head coach of Argentina. Also a World Cup that could be remembered, not for Maradona's Hand of God, but the Hand of Henry that helped France qualify. Thirty Two teams have made it to the finals. Some cruised like Holland and Spain, but others like Argentina, France and Portugal had a struggle. Only few of the 32 will believe they can reach the summit, but predicing who exactly it will be is like staring into Pandora's box. But, I, using my immeasurable accuracy, expertise and foresight will do exactly that.

I start with my favorite country - Argentina. They boast (probably not after the qualifying misadventures) of having both Maradona and his heir Lionel Messi.By all means, Messi will be the driving force for his team's chances. The Barcelona winger and World Player of the year will frighten every opposition with his runs and cut ins, as long as he manages to produce the same flair for Argentina as he does for Barcelona. But that has been something Messi has been accused of not doing.Even if Messi is kept quiet, the opposition has a host of other dangerous players to contend with. Sergio Aguero has been sublime in his club, Athletico Madrid's UEFA Europa League victory. Diego Milito, Carlos Tevez and Gonzalo Higuain have been consistent in scoring for their clubs. Javier Mascherano of Liverpool, who will retain the captaincy, will effectively keep vigil against counters and also act as a launchpad. Inter Milan's Esteban Cambiasso and Benefica's Angel Di Maria, besides Lierpool's Maxi Rodriguez complete the midfield. With Walter Samuel, Marin Demichelis and Nicolas Burdisso manning the defense Argentina look good enough to stride past others on their way to glory.

My second favorites, Holland, the perennial under-performers will have a lot to prove this time with the talent they have. A fleet of vans - der Vaart, der Sar, Persie, Buyten, Bommel, Bronkhorst, will facilitate the shuttles from one round to the next. Holland will have their fingers crossed that Robin van Persie regains full fitness in time to demonstate his vicious left foot strikes at the big stage. He will have support from the Dutch Lightining Arjen Robben, who's been phenomenal for his club Bayern Munchen and Robben's UEFA Champions League final opponent, Inter Milan's Wesley Sneijder, who has proven to be one of the most creative players in the world. Manchester City's Nigel de Jong will give cover to the back four of which John Heitinga of Everton, van Bronkhorst and Daniel van Buyten of Bayern Munchen are a part. Liverpools Dirk Kuyt, even if he doesn't start will be a useful substitute as will Klaas Jan Huntelaar. Manchester United's Edwin van der Sar will man the goal post, to achieve the goal of going the distance.

Germany are my next favorite team. The Euro 2008 finalists, though, will be without their captain and classy midfielder Michael Ballack who was injured in Chelsea's FA cup final. It is indeed a very big loss and no one can replace his quality. But they can overcome the loss if the likes of Lucas Podolski, Bastian Schweinsteiger, Tim Borowski and 2006 golden boot winner Miroslav Klose step up. Mario Gomez and Fritz will also need to up their games. Phillip Lahm, one of the world's best full-backs is capable of producing explicable crosses into the box and supporting the wingers. Per Mertresacker, Metzelder and Jansen will make up the rest of the defense. Taking an overall view, though Germany are a very capable team, they would be just edged out by the likes of Argentina, Spain and the like. Atleast on Paper.

Which reminds me of the team that defeated them in the final -Spain. Probably the flashiest, most exhuberant and attacking team. They have the world's best strikers, the worlds best midfielders and one of the world's best keepers. Valencia's David Villa and Liverpool's 'El Nino' Fernando Torres mere presence together can make any team faint on the pitch. And it doesn't stop with them. A look at the names in the mid is enough to spell danger - Francesc Fabregas, Xavi Hernandez, Andres Iniesta, David Silva would be the ones in the starting XI. The ones that may occupy the bench - Xabi Alonso and Jesus Navas dont provide any respite either. Real Madrid and Barcelona players dominate the back with both Iker Casillas and Victor valdes chosen for goalkeeper, though Casillas is the obvious first choice. The defense comprises of carlos Puyol, Sergio Ramos, Joan capdevila of Villareal and Carlos Marchena of Valencia. Barcelona's Gerald Pique and Real Madrid's Arbeloa and Raul Albiol will be used as substitutes. Probably the team to beat. Anything short of the podium will be a major disappointment.


Winners of 2002 Brazil may have won the appetiser of the World Cup, the Conferderations cup, but here they have bigger challenges. But their team is more than capable of handling it. Ricardo Kaka, their biggest name will have to leave aside his Real Madrid form and return to his AC Milan form for Brazil to derive anything. Forwards Luis Adriano and Luis Fabiano will provide power in the box while the foot magic from Manchester City's Robinho will provide plenty for the viewers to feast their eyes on. Elano and Felipe Melo of Juventus will do the work in the center of the park and Elano's long range ability can also prove to be handy. In Daniel Alves and Maicon, Brazil have both of the world's best right-backs, and will have a real problem of plenty in chosing between the two. With Maicon's Inter Milan team mate Lucio and Luisao also there in the defense, Brazil have the firepower and also will provide some Samba sensation for the spectators to dance to.

Reigning Champions Italy, will probably not be the same ths time around. More of an ageing team they will look to win with their discipline, experience and wit rather than flair. They boast of a host of veterans, Fabio Cannavaro, Gennaro Gattuso and Andrea Pirlo to name the least. AC Milan's Borriello will try to make the starting XI. Di Natale, Quagliarella, Simone Perotta and Iaquinta will compete with Borriello to make up the attack. Andrea Pirlo will look to live to his tag of being the ever reliable goal creator and can be very dangerous with the spot kicks. Daniel De Rossi and Guisseppe Rossi will join him. Guisseppe was Italy's best player in The Confed cup. But Italy probably do have perhaps the strongest defense on paper. With Gianluigi Buffon covering the goalpost as well, the likes of Fabio Cannavaro, who's been off shade for Juventus, Chiellini, Materazzi, Panucci and Bonera will be extremely hard to go through. The services of injured Fabio Grosso, the celebrated hero of 2006, will be sorely missed. Italy would seem to many an eye as out of contention, but they can play the waiting game to perfection and catch the opposition and viewers unaware. Beware!

Now moving to probably the most talked about team, England. You name it, they have it - Wayne Rooney, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, Theo Walcott, Ashley Cole, Theo Walcott, Offense, Defense, everything. Wayne Rooney is the sure striker. Who will support him has nver been sure - Emile Heskey or Jermaine Defoe or Carlton Cole. Steven Gerrard and Lampard are definites in the midfeild leaving others to chance between Gareth Barry, David Beckham ( of course, how did i forget him?), Aaron Lennon, Theo Walcott and Joe Cole. The substitute becnch is likely to be occupied by stewart Downing and James Milner. The defense is more set with Ashley Cole, John Terry, Rio Ferdinand and Glen Johnson set to start with Michael Upson, Ledley King and the lot waiting for a short appearance. The only big '?' is about who will keep?. Many favour Pompey david James, others favor Hammer Robert Green while Birmingham's Joe Hart has just been phenomenal. But England have always looked the team to beat. But they've, atleast recently done otherwise. Hopefully coach Fabio Capello can make up for their Euro2008 disgrace.

France are the next big team to watch for. But for them there's no Thierry Henry to lend a helping 'Hand'. But they still have plnty to choose from- Nicolas Anelka, Karim Benzema and Gomis in attack. Frank Ribery, the red hot Bayern Munich winger and Chelsea's Florent Malouda will do the supporing roles. Sidney Govou is also an option. Samir Nasri is sure to start too with Gourcoff and Toulalan competing for the remaining spot. The defense will be manned by either Eric Abidal and Bacary Sagna or Sagna and his Arsenal teammate Gael Clichy, with another Arsenal teammate being the shot-stopper. France have to recover from their disappointment of Euro 2008, and coach Raymond Domenech has to for once forget astrology and think football.

One of the teams i really dislike is Portugal and i thank god for putting them in the toughest group competing with Brazil and Cote de Ivoire. Portugal will depend much on Cristiano Ronaldo, the player i hate the most, and his skill, tricks and diving too, will be a handful for the opposition to manage. Anderson Deco has not been too infuential for his club Chelsea, and so have his clubmates and Portugal's fullback Jose Bosingwa who has been injured through the season. Centerback (also Chelsea) Ricardo Carvalho has also been nursing injuries and has been in and out. Pairing fullback Paolo Ferreira (also Chelsea!!!!) and Real Madrid centerback Pepe complete the back 4. Manchester United's Nani who will be Ronalso's opposite winger has been in sublime touch. Simao Sabrosa of Athletico Madrid and Ricardo Quaresma will also contednd for places in the starting XI. Hugo Almeida and Nuno Gomes will be the stiking pack, and though Portugal cannot wish for another Luis Figo, they will be hopeful of a good show with a good bench strength comprising the likes of Joao Moutinho, Raul Mereiles and Bruno Alves.

Portugal's group Rivals Cote de Ivoire (Ivory Coast) look by a mile the strongest African team. A lot rests on English League top-scorer, Chelsea's Didier Drogba's shoulders. He has establishe himself as one of the most feared stikers and has the ability to barge into any fortress and can also impress with venomous long range efforts. The Toure brothers - Manchester City's Kolo and Barcelona's Yaya, are the next most recognised players in the team. Arsenal's Emmanuel Eboue, Chelsea's Salomon Kalou are Drogba's main feeders. Barcelona's Seydou Keita, Sevilla's Didier Zokora and Pompey Aruna Dindane are other players to have an eye on.

The above ten are the teams with the biggest chances of going the full mile. The rest of the pack will be happy with QF berth. Hosts South Africa will look towards striker Benny McCarthy from Blackburn, Steven Pienaar from Everton and Ben Parker for goals. Modise i another player who will look to impress. Australia will rely heavily on Tim Cahill for his aerial tenacity, heading and penalty box deliveries. Fulham keeper Mark Schwarzer and former Liverpool striker Harry Kewell are the other noteworthy players. Gary O'Brien is the cheif man in defense. Cameroon have Inter Milan's Samuel Eto'o as their star player while the Tottenham defenders, Sebastien Bassong and Assou-Ekkoto and Arsenal's holding mid Alex Song are key players, as is Makoun of Lyon. Michael Essien will look to be in full fitness and form at South Africa representing his country Ghana. Mohammed Zidan will lead the pack for African Cup of Nations winners Egypt. He was impressive in the Confederations cup as well. Egypt have been known to play very well within their limits and as such can provide some upsetting results. So watch out for them a little more than the rest of the lesser teams. Mexico can show Arsenal's Carlos Vela as their star player. They will provide some free flowing football but dont expect them to acheive much. The USA though have a better chance than the rest of the side-runners. Everton players Landon Donovan, and keeper Tim Howard will bring in all their experience. Midfielder Clint Dempsey of Fulham had a good season too. Jose Altidore of Hull City too will be hopeful of making the cut. Manchester City's Roque Santa Cruz and Athletico Madrid's Diego Forlan are star players for Paraguay and Uruguay respectively. Serbia have a bunch of useful players from Chelsea's Branislav Ivanovic, Manchester United's Nemanja Vidic and rocket launcher Dejan Stankovic of Inter Milan and Nikola Zigic up font. Other countries like South Korea with Manchester United's Park ji Sung, Japan with Celtic's Nakamura, Nigeria with Chelsea's John Obi Mikel, New Zealand, Slovakia, Slovenia, Switzerland, Chile, Denmark, Greece, Algeria, Honduras and North Korea are too lightweight to compete with the big boys and are unlikely to make any impact.

So there it is. With all my mastery over the game i've given a good comprehensive guide for all you beginners so that you may spend more time paying attention to the game than scratching your heads during the World Cup. Now, lets go get Jabulani. (in case you dont know what that is, it is the name of this World Cup's ball)

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