The polity chronicles

There are as many opinions on politics as there are parties in India. Each far removed from the other and distinct in idea quite unlike (most of) the parties who practice the same tomfoolery with different garbs and names. Some have existed since the days of our founding fathers and some born in this tech age and are in their infancy. With our netas taking to social networks to charm the wise and the young alike one can easily spot some of the different opinion groups in existence. Which one appeals to you (if any)? Take a pick.

1. The INC loyalists:

     Composition: Retired govt employees, almost everyone's grandfathers, Forbes-ranked entrepreneurs and    industrialists, eminent journos.

     Characteristics:  

•  Talk about INC's rich heritage as it was the party that consisted of most of our founding fathers and being our grand old party. About how they played a big role in our Independence and will uphold democratic values and equality.
• Point out Pandit Nehruji's vision regards education, agri and social reforms, of Indira Gandhi's valor in war, the white and green revolution, nuclear armament (and for some people the orderliness of the Emergency period) and Rajiv Gandhi's (and mainly PVN's) economic reforms and the unimaginable trauma his surviving family suffered (and are suffering to date)
• Praise INC as a party with highly qualified individuals like MMS and PC who will put the economy on the right track (just like they did 2 decades ago) and make India a superpower by any year you like after 2020.
•  Elevate INC aloud every minute of air-time possible and title them as the champion of the down-trodden and elaborate on how all their schemes will change the face of rural India and bring about an utopia of equality.

2. Rahul Gandhi junkies:

      Composition:  Young guys and girls who are charmed and think he's as young as them because he's single at 42, eminent journos, Digvijay Singh and other p(sycophants)

   Characteristics:

• Excite fellow people by saying how he is young and will bring ideas as fresh as him.
• Tell everyone Rahul Gandhi 'feels' the pulse of the people because he boarded a Mumbai suburban EMU general class compartment and ate rotis at a village hut in UP.
• Rahul Gandhi is awesome because he's London educated like around thousands of more young Indians 
• Use alot of air-time projecting as the most pan-Indian and acceptable PM for the country
•  Admire Rahul's selflessness for working at the 'grassroots' level without desire for power just for the noble cause of improving party functioning and maximising vote prospects. Further admire him for doing the same again without losing heart despite his efforts blowing up in his face each time.
• Correct those nasty people who talk of  'dynasty politics'. Point out how Rahul has risen through the ranks, worked his a$$ off for the people and (in) the party and mention also that 'power is poison'.

3. The ever-reds a/ the commies:
   
     Composition: Anyone with requisite fitness who likes to squat on roads, railway tracks and shout for days together without offering any constructive solution to things they don't like, human rights activists (ironically)

     Characteristics:

• Never talk about communists stand on the 1962 Indo-China war
• Always shout hoarse about human rights and adopt denial when pointed about human rights record of communist countries like China 
• Blame 'imperialist' and 'communal' forces for the argument you had with your spouse.
• Bleed your heart for anyone on fast against anything being undertaken for general welfare and development. And gather more people to bleed their hearts on arterial roads, so that more people will bleed their heart because they're stuck in a traffic jam for hours.
• Complain that terrorists and murderers in jails are not being treated with dignity and respect 
• Praise the USA for denying Narendra Modi entry until someone reminds you that you're supposed to hate the USA.

4. The Modimonizer:

    Composition:  moderates, human rights champions, RTI activists, eminent journos, INC loyalists, commies and Rahul Gandhi  Junkies

   Characteristics:

• Talk about Godhra.
• Talk about Godhra again.
• Say that Gujarat development is skewed because it is living hell for minorities. Call others communal if they ask for any other brand of development, skewed or unskewed, or if they ask about Kashmiri Pandits.
• File law petitions against Modi for compliance in Godhra. If investigations find no evidence, apply for RTI, pick out more data and file another law petition. Continue loop till Modi loses State elections.
• Discuss live on-air how Modi can never be an acceptable face to lead the country. Dismiss plastic surgery as impractical.
• Keep pestering Modi supporters that his hands are blood-stained and rant that you wont rest till he is held accountable for genocide. 
• Call Modi a liar by saying that his claims of all round development in Gujarat is false. Talk about Godhra again if someone asks which State has had even that much development at least.

 5. The commoners a/ The 'I am anyone who is new and fasts a lot' cap wearers

      Composition: Young guys and girls who think any event announced on FaceBook is the in-thing, RTI activists, eminent journos, spiritual gurus and yogis
 
     Characteristics:

• Shout aloud how you are disgusted and fed up with corruption among political parties and call the Prime Minister names of disney characters and animals, preferably a duck.
• Hold banners and sit protests in beaches, monuments (preferably Jantar Mantar) holding placards that express your opposition to corruption. And most important, upload photos of you holding that placard on FaceBook and send live tweets from the protest venue.
• Invariably force in a discussion about Arvind Kejriwal or Anna Hazare or Prashant Bhushan whenever you meet friends at any Coffee Shop or mall even if it might involve cutting in and disrupting a discussion on how one of you failed miserably in winning your college crush. And somehow keep bringing the discussion back to Kejriwal, Anna and Bhushan if the discussion unsuspectedly drifts to a merrier topic.
• When a protest or sit in is being held, dedicate full air-time, 24 hours, to it's coverage. Subtly hint to the viewers that they shouldn't be interested in what else is going on in the world.
•  'Brave' the sun and attend meetings held by spiritual gurus and yogis. Raise your support for all the demands that the guru puts forth to the government like changing the value of the US dollar from 54 rupees to 1/54 rupees
• Suspect everyone and everything 

 6. The political atheists:

     Composition: Those in love and have no time to think of politics (ah, bliss!), those who haven't been introduced to newspapers and newschannels yet (aaaah, bigger bliss!), old and wise people

    Characteristics:

• Maintain that all parties are eggs from the same basket and you have lost faith in the system. And suffer a jolt when you suddenly get the unnerving thought about what if one day you lost faith in love.
•  Go on about how India would have been great if it were still a British colony. And then cringe when you realize you could have been ogling at blonde girls frequently. Or if you are not in love or interested in girls, cringe when you realize Wayne Rooney would have been playing for your country.
• Talk about how benevolent and stately our ancient kings were and how they never indulged in corruption. Also selectively praise Adolf Hitler for making Germany a strong country and say, carefully depending on who you're with, that India needs a leader like Hitler
• Watch movies like Muthalvan and yearn for a Chief Minister like him.
•  Repeatedly ask what is there for you in voting for someone saying no one is going to come to power just because of your vote. And when one that you were against comes to power say that you didn't vote because you knew that the person will come to power.

7. The Modi freaks:

   Composition: Glory-hunters, those young guys and girls who see through Rahul Gandhi, Industrialists and entrepreneurs envious of those ranked by Forbes, and any nobody who's craving for attention

  Characteristics:

• Praise Modi by calling him Lion, Tiger or any other member of the cat family. Sigh when a modimonizer says ' I told you he is wild and dangerous'.
• Talk of the development that has taken place in Gujarat to your best level so that an unsuspecting person will paint a picture of Paris minus the Eiffel Tower from your words.
• Elucidate on the equality that Modi stands for by citing a couple of minority leaders who appreciated the state's development. When someone points out Godhra, revert to the     ' Do not live in the past, time is a great changer' strategy.
• Always talk about how Modi was able to provide land for the Tata Nano factory swiftly.  
• Invariably force in a discussion about Modi whenever you meet friends at any Coffee Shop or mall even if it might involve cutting in and disrupting a discussion on how one of you failed miserably in winning your college crush. And somehow keep bringing the discussion back to Modi if the discussion unsuspectedly drifts to a merrier topic. 
• Reiterate that Modi will solve all of India's problems if he is made PM. Right from the scorching heat in the plateau regions to India's dismal condition in Olympic sports.

 Of course there are people who belong in more than one of these groups. Which one do you belong to?