Power is the victim

"With greater power comes greater responsibility"

Now, don't ask me where I heard or saw that, I don't remember. Nonetheless, that, I Imagine, could be one of the reasons behind continuing sit-in protests at Idinthakarai (henceforth referred to as IK) near Nagercoil against the commissioning of the Koodankulam Nuclear Power Plant (KNPP). People from all walks of society (or so says the nitwit M P Jesuraj who proclaims leadership of the protests) have left their livelihoods to tend to itself, for something like 2 months now, to sit and demonstrate against commissioning KNPP. For Jesuraj it's something to rake up and attract prospective followers, to push himself to the hilt of the state as someone to deal with. For the protesters (a majority misguided and misinformed I'm certain), it's the feeling of their voice being heard by the higher ups in the state, unmindful that their voice isn't something their mind thought of on its own. Power, in this power starved state, is thus the victim of the abrasive self serving ideals of a few.

That it has come to this pass is a shame. As much as 1000 Megawatts is locked up due to sheer callousness of all concerned. In a state where many districts face around 4-5hrs of shutdown daily due to power shortage, even allowing space for these protests to go on unabated is nothing but irresponsible handling of the situation by the state government. And let us remember that CM Jayalalithaa rode to 'power' on promises, one of which is rectifying the power situation in the state. She is going nowhere on that promise by requesting a stay on commissioning the plant till the fears of the people are allayed. You could put down her decision as something she doesn't want to force on her own people until they are convinced, to allude to pure democracy. But while at that, she seems to have forgotten there are much more people, people employed in textile mills (and that is a BIG employing industry in TN), farmers using electric pumpsets, workshops etc., who are crying out loud for uninterrupted power and they are really in favor of KNPP starting as soon as possible. For some reason their concerns have been ignored, most of us not even aware that some small groups held a couple of protests favoring KNPP. Even newspapers carry pages of only the protesters, pregnant mothers and school-going (rather school-skipping) children wilting under pandals at IK. Newsbits of people protesting in favor of KNPP are allotted spaces smaller than the request for a bridegroom in the classifieds. It seems to have become a larger understanding that larger/more violent/vociferous the gathering, the nobler the ideal. While infact the protesters in favor of KNPP cannot push the protest too long or take it too big, what when they have to run their mills to the maximum capacity with the 6-7 hrs of power they get, to save on diesel or other fuel costs by running the mill on direct power as much as they can. Surely they can't afford to spend time on the streets, can they??

So could have our CM done more to convince the gathering at IK? Hardly. I don't believe that the gathering is in any mood to listen to any reasoning. Jesuraj and co seem to have an acute case of vocal diarrheoa, in which nothing enters the ear, and the same old rhetoric comes out in multiples time and again. Jayalalithaa fell to their sucker punch when she sought the help of a member of the PM's office to come over and dispel fears. And it was just a case of wasted aviation fuel as Jesuraj refused to talk to the official. Forget that. Even the views of India's most respected former president, the architect of India's missile program, A P J Abdul Kalam's views were dismissed by Jesuraj as lacking understanding of the situation in IK. Lacking understanding?? REALLY?? Are we to believe that Jesuraj and his cronies know more about nuclear power, it's safety issues and hazards that Dr APJ?? Now I've heard everything!!

This all amounts deliberate obstruction of a really vital development activity. And this isn't the usual acquiring land for some IT park, or manufacturing hub that triggers protest every now and then. This is about ensuring availability for the ever growing needs of a basic necessity that is now in severe shortfall- Electricity. Such unreasonable activism should have been dealt with firmly. This is an issue whose influence is not limited to IK, but the whole of TN. If it were a project meant to benefit only IK and the residents object, it can be done away with. Not when the rest of the state is craving for power output from the plant. And those craving are from all professions and economic strata. It is sad that even after trying to reason and finding that the protesters are being unreasonable and obstructive, the state govt hasn't been more resolute in taking matters into its own hands, even if it meant dispersing the gathering and taking Jesuraj and co into custody (when Ramdev, who was just wasting television airspace and few other people's time with his gimmicks, while not blocking any development can be arrested clandestinely, certainly Jesuraj and Co should be counting bars now) .

Everyone has their stock of reasons opposing it: the foremost a breakdown resulting in harmful radiation; diseases; earthquake causing reason 1. There is ZERO history of an industrial disaster in India involving setups that are under the watchful eye of government bodies, thus Union carbide cannot be cited as an example for the reason. No government would go ahead with such a massive project until it is sure that there are no problematic areas or doubts. Atleast as far nuclear power, or power itself, in the country is concerned, it's record speaks for itself as far as safety. And there are people who live in and around Kalpakkam, carrying on with normal life with no mutations or anything from any suspected radiations, people still fish some 50 kms on either side of Kalpakkam, nothing is fishy in Kalpakkam. And Kalpakkam is the example to dispel fears of the effects of a tsunami. Kalpakkam carried out some repairs and reconstruction but no major incident occurred. There is the good and evil in everything and nuclear energy is one of them. For the better, people have to make arrangements to accommodate those, and in this case that would mean having to relocate to a distance away from the plant. By doing that, it is the same people who are now protesting who would be big beneficiaries and they will all taste the good of it. While trustworthy people inside the plant are there to provide the good of it while making sure the evil doesn't have a chance to take a peek. And in all the nuclear plants in the country their record is so far blemishless. Isn't it worth to give them trust??

Arguments that other countries are shunning away from nuclear power is completely merit-less. Those are countries that have sufficient power production for many years to come and can take their time to research on developing renewable sources, which by the way, could be costlier (solar power IS MUCH costlier) and you can guess what the reaction of this same bunch will be if a renewable power source is established and power tariffs are announced. Those countries, with a higher standard of living, will object lesser to higher power tariffs. And I don't even have to talk of this now. Because no country has yet announced they are stopping nuclear power. Most of them are just phasing out reactors that have become too old i.e completed 40 or more years in service. Others have just made a wishlist of reducing dependence on nuclear power, but will certainly start moving away only when they have enough alternatives at hand ready to produce the same quantum of power being produced at date. Now, take a look here. Demanding closure of all nuclear power plants (shudder!!) immediately. And what are we going to turn to?? Cow-dung?? Harness open defecation?? Coal is at a premium now and many thermal plants receive delayed supplies already, so coal is not the answer. Which brings me to a ridiculous suggestion by an IAS guy I read a month ago or so: to use the built plant at Koodankulam as a thermal plant by burning coal/lignite/natural gas at the reactor core. I guess he runs his petrol engine car on coconut oil.

I've written, rather ranted, too much. Well I would think this essay of sorts reflects the irritation this whole anti-Koodankulam business causes me. Or you one too??

Mount Hazarest

It's official. Anna Hazare will undertake an expedition to climb the Everest. He may be a septuagenarian but his metabolism and fitness is that of a duogenerian (is that the word for a twenty-something year old??). The news sent waves among Team Anna who were concerned about the future of the Jan Lokpal bill, given that pilgrimages to Himalayas have turned authoritative and arrogant men into ascetics. "What if Anna comes back down an ascetic who seldom speaks? What if he comes down so hungry after the tiring expedition that he goes on an all-you-can-eat parathas marathon? Then all of Anna's army will demand parathas to be served at Anna's meetings. Even when they were fasting there was apprehension of violence breaking in Ram Lila Maidan. Now if parathas are given just imagine what will happen in a country where people stamp on each other for just 2-inch laddus."cried Kiran Bedi of team Anna.

More unknown small timers of team Anna are concerned whether Anna at his frail age can undertake such a dangerous expedition. However, Arvind Kejriwal is optimistic. " Fear not, there is evidence that Anna can do it. Have anyone of you even tried climbing our parliament? But Anna did, and he is above parliament. You can go take a look yourself." Santosh Hegde however believes Anna has taken his fight for Jan Lokpal to the other extreme. " It is unwarranted. This happens if you goof around too much. I opposed it. Life is more important. Somehow I convinced Anna not to jump from atop the Parliament. Now I think he wants to jump from Everest. This is dangerous. There is a high possibility that he may roll down the slopes, gather more snow and crash as one huge snow ball into Tibet. And after that the huge snowball may melt and cause a catastrophic flooding in Tibet. Has anyone thought of all this?" moaned the Lokayukta.


Anna's current antic of asking voters in the Hisar by-election not to vote for the Congress has raised some eyebrows. A shopkeeper, on the condition of anonymity said, " I dont know what to do, they asked me to no vote for Congress because they're not passing Lokpal bill. All these consumers are like this, they want bill for everything. After Anna, people are asking bill for even buying cigarettes. As a shopkeeper I can tell you that no one likes to give a bill. I support the Congress in this." And quite naturally every consumer aware of his rights is supporting Anna. A young upper middle class teen, on condition of no anonymity whatsoever, said " We want Lokpal bill. Not just one, but many". When asked the logic behind this, she said "See many shops like Leo Coffee, if we collect hundred bills, and give it back, they give us a free spoon. The Govt should introduce 100 into India's population number of Lokpal bills. Then every Indian citizen will get a free spoon. Nice na?".

The Congress government's desperately-made-unofficial spokesman Digvijay Singh, gave a statement while being bent down searching the floor for one of the screws that fell loose from him. "RSS is an active supporter of Hazare, RSS is illegally funding Anna's campaign. People should stand against RSS and Anna". However some people are excited about RSS links to Anna, as was this young whiz-kid, " RSS is funding Anna?? Thats kewl!! That's great dude, I mean I see alot of RSS feeds on the internet. But RSS funds people too? I didn't know that dude. Thanks..!!"

Things turned violent for Team Anna member Prashant Bushan who was beaten up by hooligans inside court premises. "It's a reprehensible act" said Jayalalitha, "as is the president's order declining mercy for Rajiv Gandhi's killers. People are angry about their death sentence, that is why you see people beating up lawyers. Anna should fast for a ban on death sentences for people who are supported by parties that cause a headache to my government. God, when Kasab is given a fair hearing, why not these three? Sure, this case is some 16 yrs old, but is Kasab's case going to be finished any sooner? Hah!!"

Jayalalitha however supports Anna's Everest expedition, " Anna's expedition can save the 3 accused and my government as a result. I plan of making a deal now. If Supreme Court doesn't cancel their sentences, I will encourage Anna to climb Everest. And he will, because everyone obeys me. Even Manmohan Singh, who is as absent from public as Azhagiri these days, is proactive in replying to my letters and calling me. So one call to Anna and he starts. Remember that. After all my party is All India "Anna" Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam. "

A Bandwagon Is Dangerous

Twenty-three year old Babesh works at a leading IT major in a Chennai's IT park at Taramani. Just an year into work, he still commutes by bus, any headed to Thiruvanmiyur or beyond, getting on near his home at Ambal Nagar. However his presence at office has been almost nil in the past few days. He still boards the same bus every morning but disembarks a few stops later at Thiruvanmiyur. The place where he has been reporting for the past few days is not the AC confines of an IT cubicle but the dusty and moist heat of a construction site. Along with him are several others, the worksmen and masons not among them however. A strict police presence is filling the air. It's a large gathering inside the site, and unlike recurring food for thought in Babesh's office, there is literally no food here, nor has there been from the start.

They total 64 in number and are fasting for Anna Hazare's Jan Lokpal bill to be a reality. They are expressing solidarity with the Gandhian who has entered his 9th day of fasting at Ramlila Maidan. Anna has managed to win the support of lakhs of Babesh's countrywide. And lakhs of cubicles have emptied onto streets and parks. A small minority among the lakhs have refused to eat, it having no impact on lowering the food inflation. The country has entered a chaos phase. Chaos has been the norm of crucial Parliamentary business, the last session being as bad a whitewash as India's test series at England. It is chaos again, only that the culprit is not a king scamster or a lame duck figure, but a septuagenarian who aided by a bandwagon has been the indirect reason for a grinding halt to almost every day's sessions. Quite frankly it should have been a session with considerably less disruptions (one without disruptions at all is near impossible even in clear weather) given that with several central allies being behind bars, and the opposition also having given hint of co-operating, there would have not been much reasons for cacophony. Hazare, whatever his good intentions, and they are good intentions no doubt, is doing a dis-service.

Extremely nefarious is the period of his fast- August 16th and not half way into the monsoon session. There is no way such a contentious bill can be expected to be passed in such a short time. Devoid of time the Jan Lokpal will be as loose ended as a bad bill can be, and could actually give more room for manipulation and corruption -something it intends to check. Not only that, the Jan Lokpal however important is not urgent. It sat for 40 plus years, it can sit for even a couple more. There are other urgent and important bills waiting to be passed concerning national security, defence deals, poverty alleviation, inflation containment, economy management, infrastructure, power - an endless list. By choking the parliament Anna is choking development - agreed that when the govt sets out for a grade 10 development, it ensures only grade 3 development - but that little development is still precious, thousands of jobs and thousands of benefits would be in the offering. It is a crime on Team Anna's part to not realise or consider this, just as it was a crime by Raja to manipulate spectrum deals. The difference in scale of loss between the two is too stark, but Anna's fasting is costing quite a loss with those disrupted sessions and consequently forgotten discussions and bills. For one who is worried about corruption, about how public tax-payer money is being looted, disappearing into thin air, Anna must realise the money disappearing from wasted Parliament sessions (a day in parliament costs ALOT), and the thousands of Babesh's shirking his work, and the thousands of police personnel not being able to be somewhere where they would be more needed.

Equally difficult are the contentious points in his version of Jan Lokpal, that he wants passed at all costs, even his life. I for one, think it would be a mistake to bring the Prime Minister under its purview, to have anyone to watch over him. India is a democratic country, and a creditable one at that. It's leaders and parties are elected by popular judgement of its citizens. Our current PM may be unelected but his cabinet is. In any case in the country's history there has never been a corrupt PM (with the exception of probably HD Deve Gowda). One can argue about Indira Gandhi, but with an Indira Gandhi, a Lokpal bill or any bill of how much ever or how sharp ever teeth will be crushed to powder. Some find PVN Rao as corrupt, some dont, but let us remember that it was then that India started becoming, both good and bad, the India it is today. It is difficult to imagine whether PVNR and cabinet would have put India on the world map for others to see if there had been a third eye of Shiva watching over him. To check and kick out corrupt PMs (and his govts) should they ever come is why India has always an aggressive opposition (so aggressive at times they are vulgar and embarrassing) and something called a No Confidence Vote. That existing system ensures that the ones to call for his removal are ones who themselves are elected representatives of their people, and ones who are transacting governance and business for the good of his own constituency. A third person to watch over the head of the country is rubbish when there is a mechanism is in place - a mechanism that has not yet failed miserably, though it has been shaky and dodgy at times. If a vested interest raises an issue against the PM, the PM will have a lot of distractions from running the country (and mind you it makes things worse given that some PMs like the current one already have their hands tied by a supreme leader. He doesn't need his legs to be tied too).The country can never function if such a provision is ever brought in.

And calling it the Second Struggle for Independence is the height of theatrics. And to say such a thing that the world can hear it, is a dishonor. Those charmed by that phrase have a lot of thinking to do regarding what Independence means. India is still a country run by a bunch of people, crook or clean, that have been elected by the people themselves. The ministers, MLAs and MPs still reflect and deliver service to the electors (for the people), rarely fully, mostly partially, and at times after pocketing a share. The MPs and MLAs still face the test of re-election every 5 years. They stand for it without an intent to hold on to power forcibly - like seen in the middle east now, or since we are talking of our second independence, like the British rulers. The government of India has never unleashed atrocities against its own people a la Assad or Gaddafi or General Dyer. Even minority appeasement tactics and certain pseudo secularist intents can be seen just in the dirty safe of vote bank politics and nothing more. It doesn't amount to anything close to an atrocity. As such calls for a second Independence struggle or unwarranted to say the least.

If Anna wants to really and sincerely help the country he must be more flexible and willing to co-operate with the government and give it a reasonable amount of time to work things out after other important matters of governance are attended to. He should be ready to discuss and meet the government's panel on their convenience, because of course they have more things to do than Anna. Only then can anything reasonable be achieved. If Anna, as seems now, coerces the government to drably accept his version, it will be a disaster - half baked beans and later gas trouble and diarrhea. And even in the event of the government surrendering to it, either someone from team Anna must tell him or Anna must himself realise - Anna has to drop the demand for including the PM.

It is time for Babeshs across the country to curse the home ministry as much and as abusively as they want for the disastrous handling and arrest of Anna, but then go on and resume their day to day life. It is time for Baba Ramdevs and Sri Sris to stick to preaching and stop meddling in the government's affairs. It is time for supposed secessionists like Arundhati Roy to never open their mouths about India's affairs given their track record. It is time for Superstar and Ilaya Thalapathi to fight corruption only in films when they don't know the alphabets of the Constitution. And it is, conclusively, time for Team Anna to stop fasting, time for Team Congress to stop being rash, and for both to sit around a sumptuous meal and decide to talk this over during the Parliament break.

Let us Jai Hind to the progressiveness that made Brand India. Not to the repressiveness being highlighted by Barkha Dutts and Arnab Goswamis.

Jai Hind !!

An Apple a day keeps Abhishek Bachchan away...

“Apple Inc. is the abode of god.” This chirpy youngster was not organizing a spiritual enlightenment session when he spread his arms to the glass roof of the central well at the Citi Center in Chennai. Apple is the new religion that gives, and Steve Jobs is the god. His emissaries come in white and black, cold and in aluminium, polyvinyl chloride and glass. The youngster was actually drowned in divine possession. The youngster reflects the orientation of a growing number of youngsters in the world to revere a god that knows exactly what they want and unlike the traditional god, puts millions of the prayers’ answers on showroom shelves across the world in no time.

It is easy to see what attracts so many new people to Apple’s ever-evolving range of products. “With my iPod, I can now listen to music like never before.” said a college girl wearing a skimpy T-shirt that said ‘St.Adam’s school for the deaf volunteer’. She was at a local community center spreading the virtues of the Apple to an assembly of deaf persons, while a cart of iPod cases made their way around in distribution to each of those assembled. When asked what good an iPod would do to the deaf, she poked her hearing aid deep into her ear and reconciled to her own tale, “If you remember what I said you’d notice that I said I can listen to music ‘like never before’. I made the sin of playing music on my TV too loud with my surround speakers. I lost my hearing. I can no longer hear from the TV. But these iPods let me carry music around and straight into my ears. Sure the old mp-3 devices did the same, but I like to watch movies too, and that’s where iPods helped. It is a godsend. If not for this I would have missed all the small joys and excitement of youth.” When reminded that it still would do no good to the deaf by birth assembled in the hall, she grinned, “I never said they’re deaf by birth, did I?”

While hand-held media players like the iPods caught the imagination of the entertainment-holics, Apple had in store something for the more chatty types too. The iPhone 4 is the latest in a series of iPhones, a series of ‘smartphones’, that serve as the traditional low end phones (HTC desire etc) in addition to offering Internet access and doubling up as a PDA too. One fine blazing day there was this dude blocking up traffic behind his Apache at a traffic island nibbling away at something in his palm with what looked like a surgical instrument used to stitch sutures. On asked what in the Lords name he was doing , he stared up and said, “Im lost mister. Do you mind leaving me alone? I dunno how to go back to where I came from. I’m using this GPS history to find out how I came here.” When asked where he came from, he looked further puzzled and said, “Hold on”, and then suddenly cried, “damn! The battery died!! Now I’ll never know where I came from.” A cart vendor selling apples happened to come by and the lad asked him where the nearest Apple store is and followed him. It remains a mystery whether the Apple god got him safely home. An iPhone is listed as a smartphone. With some other phones like Windows phone too called as a smartphone, it ensued a turf war between Microsoft Co and Apple Inc for the smartest phone. Apple founder Steve Jobs is said to be bidding to buy over Microsoft to put an end to the hanging clouds. He has reportedly been pumping money into Microsoft and cozying up with Microsoft founder Bill Gates to clandestinely grab hold of Microsoft and thus consequently, Windows Phone.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZGIn9bpALo)

Another lad elaborated on why a smartphone, especially the iPhone, is called so. “ A smartphone is a smart phone.” On hearing “D’uh!” he hurried, “ I know, I know, just listen. Show me your phone. It’s a Nokia 3110. It’s trash. You can’t play Angry Birds on your phone. You don’t have WiFi or Broadband connectivity on your phone and you can’t download apps. You’re phone can’t play anything but .3gp video clips. Your phone doesn’t have a PDA. But look at my iPhone. I can download apps just because they keep coming, I can play Angry Birds and with my PDA, if I have secretary she will have so little work to do that I can… uh… Never mind that…. My iPhone can do everything. Now that’s smart ain’t it? And I never get lost you know, because my smart iPhone always shows me the way.” Clearly this lad never met the dude who got lost despite an iPhone.

While the goodness of the Apple world is now the word on every street, it has its own share of criticisms and problems. Bart Simpson, leading TV star, thinks Apple and its founder have taken its customer base for losers and claims that Apple is ripping us off (see video in above link). He also claims that its founder dirties every one of his products. Simpson’s mentor, Matt Groening, attributes this to a sinister scheme by Apple to promote another of its latest products – the tablet PC, iPad. “It’s there for everyone to see if you ask me. There are going to millions around the world with ear infections after stuffing their ears with dirtied iPods and iPhones. I would rather bury them near my maple tree; trees could use urea, not our ears. And pretty soon they’re going to have to dish out another 800$ for Apple’s tablets. And pretty soon I’m sure they’ll come up with another product to dissolve the thick block in your esophagus you will have from swallowing such a big table, and like Jobs said himself, you’re all losers. In this case the adage changes to an apple a day is going to keep you at the doctor every day.” Now there is a renewed urgency to spot that partially deaf girl before she makes things worse for the congregation of deaf.

Another concern for Apple is the rising cost from lawsuits it filed against many for brand plagiarism. The most prominent one is the lawsuit against Isaac Newton. “Isuck Newton used our company name and derived undue fame by discovering gravity and laws of motion. He wantonly renamed himself Isuck from Suck and deliberately dozed under an apple tree without prior permission and compiled scientific papers under his name rather than Apple Inc. It’s a breach of copyright, and we are fighting to get the patent name for discovering gravity, laws of motion, alchemy and orbital motion to Apple Inc’s rightful intellectual property.” The priory of science, fighting for Newton decried the allegations. “We strongly condemn Apple’s horrendous defacement of the World’s greatest mind’s name. We on behalf of all physicists, alchemists and engineers stick to our firm stand that Newton does not suck.”

Some other lawsuits are against helpless innocent school kids, small time carpenters, plumbers etc and also Abhishek Bachchan. Bemoans a kindergarten girl, “ Sally, the class leader asked us to think of a good chocolate to give the teachers on teachers day. I said why don’t we get the assorted basket of fruits instead with the apples, oranges and peaches. Then Sally said good idea. And then two mean guys came and took me to a dark room and scared me for getting an idea without getting copyr.. copyrods… I can’t remember the word….sob.. sob…”

Mario, a small time plumber was less careful with his choice of words, “ar.. darn em dose appull bastuds.. All ah do is tell d old lady it a good idear ta fill em buckets before ah empty er tank… bastuds drag me ter court… dey say ah can get me a dear but nod er idear…”

But the suit with most attention is against Hollywood star, Abhishek Bachchan. Apple are confident of winning this suit. “We think there’s no doubt what Bachchan is doing here. It’s not that he alone is infringing our copyrights but he’s asking others to too. He tops the limit. Going on TV and telling the public to ‘get idea’, that’s simply unacceptable. He isn’t making it appear like as to get idea from us. But from him. When a bystander says ‘what an idea sirji’, he clearly implies that he is the one giving ideas and also the statement exclaims that his ideas are superior to ours. And he’s not advertising us, he’s diverting people from Apple to that fake Idea. We are sure to drain Bachchan of every penny”.

Well, now I agree with what the youth are so excited about. Apple is indeed the savior. If it does put an end to Bachchan’s Idea cacophony, then it undoubtedly is, and I will be Apple’s new devotee.

Too FAST too Furious

And furious are the people of India indeed, who have been living life in the FAST lane and are demanding fast (the other fast, denoting quickness) solutions to the menace of corruption, black money stashed in foreign banks and the ever-elusive Lokpal bill. The people are just too impatient for an answer. They have made it clear that their busy lives are no impediment to throw their weight and sound their voices against the malevolent evils plaguing their country. That the awareness of the anti-graft and pro-lokpal movements spread its wings is testimony to how irritating it is when I receive 50 SMSes and 20 E-mails a day urging the 'concerned' voter in me to reply back to the number and express my solidarity. Fed up with the menace of bulk SMSes and E-mails you're average daily office-goer took a day off at the Marina because: 1. No employer would dare call support for Anna Hazare as a flimsy reason for a day off, because if he does, Hazare will demand that the concerned employer be brought under the purview of the Lokpal bill, and 2. the sooner he goes to the Marina and gives a piece of his mind to the bulk SMS sender, he will no longer be disappointed to find an SMS from TD-ANNA while expecting a ':)' from his girlfriend.

But the bigger problem is for the UPA govt in the Capital. They have been forced to a corner by Gandhian Anna Hazare's fast. Anna Hazare has been vocal in his demand to pass the Lokpal bill at the earliest in parliament. That the bill has been in the backburner for 40 years hasn't helped the government's cause. "Hazare's demands are impossible. How can he ask us to pass a bill that has been gathering dust for 40 years. Why I can't find the bill to my refrigerator that I bought last week. Ask Hazare to find the bill and then we shall consider passing it.'"said an exasperated Kapil Sibal. But Hazare's demands go as far as to include members of the civil society in the drafting of the bill. This further displeased Mr.Sibal who went on to say, " Mr. Hazare has to make up his mind. First he tells us that the bill has been 40 years lost. Now he tells us to draft it afresh. Doesn't he know that manipulating, or tampering with, or making a forged copy of an already existing bill given by someone else is against the law?? This is where money laundering starts. By tampering with bills. We in the UPA government, as you all know are steadfast against corruption and black money. If Hazare wants to redraft the bill, legally he has to approach the person who drafted it 40 years ago. I'm not sure where that biller is buried but the UPA can help him get there should he approach us with such a request. And there is no question of including members of the civil society. Then pretty soon members of the electrical, computer, metallurgical, mechanical, architectural, medical and legal societies will want to be in. UPA sincerely believes too many cooks spoil the broth. Oooh, and yeah, the cooking society will want in too."
















Fending for help, Sibal was backed by the UPA's veteran bullshit guru Digvijay Singh. Digvijay has sought to disperse all the brouhaha over the Lokpal bill by terming it as a communal demand made by the RSS. After all, it is a known fact that anything to do with RSS is bad. " Hazare is a tool of the RSS. Who else would praise by singling out Narendra Modi as a good example of governance. Not only that, his protest site in April had a painting of 'mother India' similar to the one used by the RSS to depict India. See what does that mean. Does India want a bill that would RSS-ize it? Have you people forgotten what I said? Didn't I tell you that there are RSS elements involved in 26/11? How can the people of this country want a bill that would make India a terrorist country?? Are you people fools? You people should go to a mental asylum..." fumed Dugvijay. When reminded by a colleague that Hazare had already suggested that Digvijay be admitted in a mental asylum (http://indiatoday.intoday.in/site/story/anna-hazare-says-digivijaya-singh-fit-for-mental-asylum/1/141148.html), Digvijay managed, "I don't need advice from a person who has experienced it, but since most of you haven't experienced it, I warn you the experience will be bitter. Imagine having to contend with bullshitters like me all through the day. Thats the life at a mental asylum."

If Hazare wasn't enough, along came Baba Ramdev. Ramdev put forth a list of demands for the government to make come true. The foremost were declaring the stashed away amounts as national property and giving death penalty for the corrupt. Ramdev decided to go on a fast at the Ramlila grounds to highlight his demands. Absurd as it may sound a barrage of ministers from the center met him to give up his fast. When told that taking time off from ministry and pampering to satisfy a Yogi projected the Indian government as jelly-footed, Sibal said, "We were not pampering him. We just went to seek his blessings, which explains why we feel at his feet, grabbed it, begged and cried. " But Ramdev, who continued his fast, attracted a large gathering. The news of the overnight crackdown on the gathering and detainment of Ramdev, who later is claimed to have slipped away in a woman's attire, infuriated the public. The barbaric at didn't go down well. "We just wanted to avert untoward incidents" claimed Home Minister P Chidambaram, "the crowd was too huge for security to control. Especially since our security forces are grossly inadequate and lack basic necessities like night-goggles". When asked what 'untoward' incidents could happen Chidambaram said, " well anything can happen at night, I dont need to tell our young populace. Especially when both genders were present at the gathering. It wont do India's ever exploding population any good. Ha ha ha, ha ha - " (he laughed uncontrollably). And went on to add , "Jokes apart. The real reason was that the gathering was doing extremely dangerous yoga moves and asanas. Moreover, it was too dark to see how Ramdev was doing it. Just imagine if they ended up putting their foot in their mouth, Digvijay does that so well I must say, or turned their heads 360 degrees or split their selves right down the middle. I didn't want infinite cases of torn ligaments, twisted ankles, dislocated shoulders and knees etc in the morning. Prevention better than cure, am I right?". Very right, Indeed!!

Digvijay Singh was not amused with Ramdev's next course of action, his ambition to arm 11,000 people to fight the UPA govt. " See, this is what. He is a fraud. Total fraud. How can he arm 11,000 people on his own? The government is itself struggling to provide modern weaponry to its armed forces, and he claims he can from nowhere arm 11,000 people. And how will he train his army at battle? Oh I see. Yoga improves your concentration and you can aim correctly and strategise intelligently right? Stupid fellow. Instead of training our army, he is going on fasts and others are fasting with him. Oh I see again. That is training to survive in the mountains for days without food. But what's the use, he cannot get any weapons unless he has links with Maoists. Which once again proves my claim that he is a fraud. Don't ask me how Maoists get weapons, I have no idea. Ask Chidambaram. But Ramdev is a fraud" bullshitted Digvijay.

Soon Ramdev realised he wasn't able t o get any weapons, and went back to fasting and fasted for 9 days till the UPA troubleshooters ass ured him they will concede to some of his demands. Thus Ramdev brought a government to push forward some of his demands. It is here that I must point out that there have been many who have fasted before but have not generated as much support as Ramdev or Hazare. Former Tamil Nadu Chief Minister once fasted for 10 hours to press for rehabilitation of Sri Lankan Tamils. Karunanidhi's fast was attended by a very good gathering of his two wives, sons, his nephews, grand nephews and his political caddies. His fast unto death has been entered in the Limca book of records for the shortest fast unto death of all time.


















But the one most ignored is Rajinikanth. If Ramdev was hospitalised for 11 days, imagine Rajinikanth who was hospitalised from May 15th to June 13th. I can thus say that Rajinikanth is the spearhead of the anti-corruption campaign. Which is why just moments after being discharged from his hospital in Singapore, Rajinikanth called up Karunanidhi and advised him to "take care of his health" and don't even think of undertaking anymore 6-hour fasts , even for the release of his daughter arrested in Tihar. "Naa oru thadava viratham potaa, nooru thadava viratham pota maari" flashed Rajinikanth, as he readied to take up the mantle at the forefront of the Fast life from Ramdev and Hazare.

The obvious reference

We Indians love English, i mean we all love to love it. Atleast. English is that one resort we go to for getting things we, quite frankly, don't deserve. But yes we get those things. And English helps us get it. You don't believe what I'm saying? Well let me ask... How do you think Rajinikanth became the Superstar of epic proportions for who English is yet to procreate new superlatives? The truth be told, its because he can talk english, he can walk english and he can laugh english you bloody fellows!!! Now what more evidence does one need to realise that English is Santa Claus in India? In his own words english is the passion of the nation. It is the condition and consideration the conjunction becomes injunction and injuction become irritation (and why not? ask a middle school grammer student).

And why is English so kind on us, you may ask. Try asking the English (No no. Not the language, the people from Kate middleton's bedroom) what they understand by conjunction or injunction. When this writer asked Kate (how I asked is immaterial) her reply was 'Pardon me, you are testing my language skills, aaare you? Stop wasting my time you preposterous buffoon. I have to go to Westminster General to get myself a penicillin injunction for the rashes and conjunction-vities I got from my wedding gown. Excuse me...!!". Well what I mean is if a member of the Royal family doesn't know what conjunction and injunction are, who will?? But yet superstar does. As the legend goes, conjunction and injunction were burried in a coffin alongside William Shakespear. But Superstar brought them back from the dead when he uttered that magical sentence in 'Velaikaran'. Naturally English is indebted to us Indians. Hence English has given us Indians jobs, given us careers, given us girlfriends, given us McDonald's, given us HBO, even given us the wisdom to read only Harry Potter and not other top-level classics, given us the foresight to watch only F.R.I.E.N.D.S (throughout the day on three different channels at times) thus protecting ourselves from honouring the sweat and effort of other creative minds.

But are we being grateful to our provider of plenty? We as Indians, it is in our blood and imbibed in our culture to be grateful. And we haven't gone back on that towards our provider of plenty. English medium schools are the norm of the day. Regional languages are left to the archaics. This is in contrast to several countries in Europe where the national language is the medium and English is offered as a speciality. Ditto with China till recently, until Google being banned and the demand for English knowing web spies to be able to read and understand the English in Google's embedded source codes and try to make sense out of anti-govt emails and Facebook posts doing the rounds. In English. India however is English Oriented. Ok, so English medium schools. This writer once walked into the principal's office of an Indian owned English medium school in Sharjah ("principle's" office it said on the door plate) and asked him about the importance given to English in their school. His reply was prompt, "Man, are you an educated fellow or not? See our board man!! What it said?". This writer startled by the question went " Well actually it didn't tell me anything. Is there a speaker mounted on it that I missed?". The principal retorted "Bleddy fool! You don't know English? What it said means what it is written there on the school's entrance board? You dont know that also?". The writer felt ashamed and squeeked, "Sorry..Sir... But.. what else is it that I dont know?". He now laughed, "Ha ha..What you people dont know English and you are coming as journalists and writers. What man?". He now made a cup posture in his palm and turned it about slowly, like he was trying to pluck a mango from a tree. He went on, "See the school's name board says ' Our Own English High School'. So first of all your question is itself wrong. It is not a English medium school. It is a English high school. And who's school it is man? It is our own. Not yours, not Sharjah's, and obviously not of someone like you who doesn't know English. It belongs to me and the person from Kochi who sends money to that sheikh who gave me this pistol here, see? He has lot of guns, big guns also. So you first get out now or i'll shoot". And then this writer took the wise decision to walk out before he's carried out.

This writer later reflected on how he was treated disrespectfully. One sentence that the principal/principle spoke shed a cloud of doubt about his own credentials as a journalist.'and OBVIOUSLY not of someone like you who doesn't know English'. Was he that poor in the language of his career so far? Was it so much in plain view that he doesn't know english? Was it 'obvious'? These doubts were soon dispelled while interviewing the lead actress of movie made near his home, chennai. He asked the upcoming star, from a place 1500 kilometers away and brought up on a entirely different dialect, how she found acting in a film in an unfamiliar language. The air of confidence with which she spoke was enough to send the tree outside tumbling over. " Quite obviously I found it difficult in the starting stages you know, but uh... obviously it is a part of acting life, where you know, obviously you may have to act in different places, and different places obviously means different languages and so obviously it is something we have to get used to, you know. But you know the director and other actors were obviously very supportive and they helped me to overcome all these difficulties, and eh... obviously my fans have been just great, you know, they obviously whistle whenever my scene comes even if I dont say anything and just stand there. Obviously thats because....". The writer interrupted at this point, for he knew the obvious reason for such fan frenzy and he may lose his job for putting that reason in his report. But the tempting image the thought of that reason brought with it was the last thing on his mind now. For he knew it was certainly not 'obvious' that he didn't know english. 'Obvious' was just another disproprtionately frequently used word by us. Quite obviously.

But he wondered why that was so. Why such undue favoritism to that one word? There was one other word that was almost matching 'obvious' in frequency but that turned out to be a cuss word. So why? The writer was sometime later deputed to cover an event in a reputed institution. There he found that the usage of the word 'obvious' was even with the most unobvious phenomena. One bubbling student was asked to comment on the success of the event. The student floated around enthusiastically saying, " Sir, obviously its because we have scheduled it such that it doesn't clash with events in VIT, IIT Madras, NITT, SRM, Anna University, Shastra, PSG, GCT, Sathyabama University....". "Wait, wait, wait..." the writer interjected, " you know, you're request for covering your event says you are a reputed institution. And you had to avoid a clash with Sathyabama?". The student stared and then handed over charge to another one beside him. "See sir. Seriously, we are a reputed institution. We have a lot of enthu about this event. So obviously you can see that we are reputed from the amount of funds we get. So basically we are able to use our resources to draw students from other great institutions to our event. So Generally we are able to give higher cash prize than even IIT Madras even though other students have better fundas than us and we are usually raped and dont get any prize at all. So obviously that means we are so reputed that people are funding us in huge amounts, sir. So thats what sir. So obviously it shows we are very reputed".

So that was the story behind the, well..obvious. Its just a mental domino effect. The school kid is hypnotised to aim for reputed, or so be it, institutions. Once they see these students use the obvious words so many frigging times, it sinks into them that if they can master the obvious dialect they will atleast be perceived as a student of a reputed institution even if they are not. The aura of the obvious reverberates like a church bell. That explains the actress too. Ever since the 'miss teen south carolina fiasco'(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww) all actresses and models have vowed to answer questions the smart way on TV. And who better to imitate than the reputed??.

This writer wanted to find out how the the association of obviously with smart came into vogue. The answer was on the notice boards of various schools, in the walls of suburban trains, and on electric poles near TASMAC outlets. One such deep orange sheet (which sick idiot would like to read that colour sheet anyway?) displayed "Harvurd English coching centre. Both spoken and writtan. Good cost only 2000 Rs. Exsellent for interview and GRE admission. Call 56661-00912 now itself". And at the bottom of that written in blue pen was 'call girl: 56661-00912, always free'. The reason was english coaching centers. And we all know the first thing all these centers (even the authentic ones) tell us. They instruct us to portray confidence, mostly fake confidence of course. And there is the answer for the obvious. Obvious, is something that requires no dissection, no hard thinking. Something that should occur to all normal IQ folks very naturally. Once a candidate at an interview, say, uses the word 'obviously' it attests an impression on him that he knows his stuff and is very confident of working with people. Most job interview successes are made by that word. For example, the interviewer of a software company asks " So, you will be working with high profile clients at our company. How will you interact with those clients?". The candidate gets the job by saying " Sir obviously I have good communication skills, good leadership qualities, smiling face, manners, even after I drink with them in bar I always will be steady like gun. So, I obviously can handle them sir." The inquistive interviewer probes further " But you are just saying like that. There is no proof. See your CV. You have not organised any event, not won any prize nothing. All you have is certificate from some Harvurd English coching centre. And I dont doubt your steadiness after gulping wine. But no proof for other things. So how I can believe?". The candidate answers confidently " Sir!! Obviously I can." The interviewer is satisfied," Good confidence my dear friend. You are appointed". And the candidate responds, the harvurd in him has worked. " I seriously thank you, sir."

The minnows, the pebbles and the rules....

It is more than half way into the group stages of matches in the ICC Cricket World Cup 2011, and its had an unadulterated (the way Dhoni cannot be faulted for wanting) share of nail biting thrillers and matches that lasted just as long as the games period would last when we were in school and teams played just as we did in school ( though perhaps, remarkably better than i play). The ICC which has an impeccable knack for timing, chose just about the very stage where minnows participate to be noticed, to tell them that this may be the last seen of them in a world cup. That the minnows didn't take it lightly can be seen from both the types of results produced by them. While Ireland has already poked a screwdriver up ICC's nose with Kevin O'Brien making Mathew Hayden (who had to take time off cooking to say this) utter in disbelief that he couldn't believe his WC record had been broken, Netherlands started with a cliff-hanger vs England (again) to end up on the losing side (after which the match's star, Ryan ten Doeschate perhaps realised he can migrate to England, given his South African background..!!). Kenya made sure Harry Potter, the New Zealand skipper, attends his school Potions class on time after the games period, turned Lasith Malinga into a grade A sorcerer (for 2 world cup hat 'tricks') and imparted so much momentum into Shahid Afridi's bowling that he still takes a minimum of 4 wickets a match.

Zimbabwe started off as a respectable minnow by choking Australia for runs using their only second to Bangladesh's collection of spin bowlers before faltering in the chase. But to their credit, they projected themselves 175 runs above the minnow mark by crushing Canada by as much, before New Zealand, who apparently have been minnow-ish all of last year, breezed past them. So it appears that it logically should be Ireland and Zimbabwe who make the cut for the 2 minnow spots in the next WC. Oh! Have i missed out Bangladesh when i said Zimbabwe and New Zealand? I think not. Bangladesh have faced an apo'calypso' too early. And they decided to buy time to fulfill other commitments in life when they decided to have another school match. And Bangladesh weren't lying about the apo'calypso'. The first signs Bangladesh had were when they saw balls fall from... was it the sky or.., the tall Suleimann's upright arm?? Their suspicions were confirmed when it later rained "pebbles" outside the stadium.

The West Indies camp however has not taken the pebbles story lightly. They pointed out that pebbles cannot cause so much damage glass. Perhaps I haven't looked deep enough but i haven't been able to get the Toughness Index or Hardness Number for pebbles and glass, to make my mind on who's right. But I am certain that a bat can break glass or an LCD screen, though I am not certain of a pad bouncing and cracking the corner of an LCD TV. Destruction has been the order of the day. Glass and this world cup have not gone too well together.

The West Indies have accused, maybe rightly so, Haroon Lorgat of playing down the incident and compromising on the security of the players. Lorgat has now had more press conferences than any of the leading captains like Ricky Ponting who clarified about his tests on the hardness of glass everyday from the match vs Zimbabwe to the one vs New Zealand.

Lorgat and Indian Captain MS Dhoni have been at loggerheads ever since the spectacular tie vs England at Bangalore. The issue revolves around the option to use weigh on the 2.5m rule in conjunction with the UDRS reviews. Billy Bowden, upheld his original decision of giving Not Out to Ian Bell despite the replay showing Ian Bell to be out. Bell himself was flabbergasted when he admitted that he never knew such a rule existed. MS Dhoni, who like Bowden has starred in Pepsi ad, that the decision was responsible for "change(ing) the game" and leading to some people calling for Ravichandran Ashwin to replace Piyush Chawla despite the latter picking up some wickets. Dhoni has (much like me) made it be known that ICC should not adulterate the use of technology with human discretion. Lorgat shot off a letter to Dhoni asking him to read the rules. BCCI shot back at ICC saying the criticism of Dhoni was unwarranted asking "how can you expect Dhoni to read the rules when he is captaining the favorites for the World Cup? Besides have you seen how big and boring the rule books are?" and indirectly held ICC directly responsible if India were to lose the World Cup final.

When someone like Bell, who usually wears his shirt-collar up in a lawyerly fashion, doesn't recollect the existence of a rule, it is largely unfair to expect Dhoni to. And the BCCI's reply to ICC was spot on. One just has to look at England's performance this world cup to realise what spending time reading the law can do. All of England's matches have been too close for comfort (like courtroom arguments) with one of them squandered to a tie from a winning position, losing another from a winning position against the minnow that scratched ICC's cheek before winning from a losing position against South Africa who once again started gasping for air when 48 runs were needed with 5 wickets in hand. But Dhoni concentrated on the cricket end of business and the result was a handsome 5 wicket win against the impressive minnows.

And Dr.'s songs gave me a bad headache yesterday. So I apologise if this post appears too rambling as one written by Irish fans in Dublin bars on that famous night....

Better than the best chance

That India are the unbiased favorites to keep home the World Cup 2011 trophy is not flattery. It may be a convincing affair to adopt the wait and watch approach till the end of the one-dayers vs South Africa. But with India showing their tenacity in the second match nail-biter after a morale shocker in the first match, it is in all but writing that India are fully geared to make and get wins whenever needed, whether it is to level a series or to prove a point when followers readily write them off.

On paper, India could face competition only from the team they are playing currently, but that too may tilt to India's favor counting in the spinners so long as they aren't bowling second in a dewey day nighter. The 15 man squad announced just a while ago goes like:

MS Dhoni (capt & wk), Sachin Tendulkar, Virender Sehwag, Gautam Gambhir, Yuvraj Singh, Suresh Raina, Virat Kohli, Yusuf Pathan, Harbhajan Singh, Praveen Kumar, Zaheer Khan, Ashish Nehra, Munaf Patel, Piyush Chawla, R Ashwin

The batting will strike fear, especially on high scoring wickets here in India. There is no respite for the opposition bowlers. Virender Sehwag, i needn't say much more. One expects him to provide a demo of his destructibility after a lean run in the tests vs South Africa. A concern exists about his opening partner Sachin Tendulkar's hamstring. Sachin who has been in unstoppable batting form, has an exceptional record in World Cups. Virat Kohli's form has been steady and notched up three centuries in 2010 and has proved to be an able match winner. Pinch hitter Yuvraj's form and fitness have been questioned by many and this is one player that needs to sort out his performances in the remaining chances in South Africa, else his spot in the starting XI will be up for grabs. And fortunately for India and unfortunately for him there are contenders ready to take it. Captain MS Dhoni propped up the ladder with his captain cool image and his decisions to make things work for India under pressure situations. There are arguably better captains taking part in the World Cup, but MSD has been a success as a captain and it is too dramatic for that to come to an end over the period of one month. As a batsman MSD has proved to be that expert innings steering person who is perfect at changing gears and resurrecting collapses with lower order batsmen, who more often than not explodes with a blitzkrieg at the close. Suresh Raina and Yusuf Pathan are the two trump card players for India who will look to play pacey cameos with settled batsmen and also roll their arm over while filling in for the 5th bowler.

India would lose out on the fast bowling front to a couple of teams. Zaheer Khan has been the only consistent bowler for quite some time now and he will have to get maximum out of the new ball, but thats something he is good at, so he will be hoping to do the same. Among the other three named in the squad, Ashish Nehra will compete with Praveen Kumar, but the latter with his pronounced swing and hitting abilities should get the nod. Having Munaf Patel in the XI is tempting from the view of adding variety to the attack, but whether he'll replicate his 4-for vs South Africa is something to look out for. It is in the spin department that India will look to control teams with. Harbhajan, as any other spinner, has a tremendous record in the subcontinent and is a sure performer. But he will have to be conscious of imparting proper flight and loop to his deliveries and avoid laments about him bowling too flat that have arisen at times. With Sehwag, Raina and Yusuf handy with spinning some overs there is no need to include a second spinner in the XI.

And the biggest blessing in disguise is the dismal form being displayed by many teams. Australia, the winner of the last three, the less said about them the better. Piggy backing on one player, Shane Watson alone, will get them nowhere. Sri Lanka seem to have a good blend in both the batting and bowling departments. Dilshan has always had a carnival in India. And their bowling attack of Malinga, Matthews and Muralitharan may be the best in this world cup, with both fine spinners and pacers. And Sri Lanka won the last World Cup played in the subcontinent. An omen, perhaps?. England have their best team in god knows how many years. They, wonderously, finally have a good spinner in their ranks, almost regarded as the best in the current generation by many. But their batsmen have never relished playing in India, and almost the same batsmen had a indifferent time in 2008. The same would have been said about South Africa's batting but for the likes of Hashim Amla, Jacques Kallis and AB de Villiers turning that page over in recent tours to India.

I can conclude and say that India are the favorites from the following:

1. The batting is nautical miles ahead of any other team

2. Their bogey team in WCs, Australia, are now headless chicken

3. Their main competitors have some problem or the other- Having just played South Africa, India will know how to use the home conditions to tackle them. Sri Lanka are strong, but same story. India have played them too many times to slip up against them at home. England have to have imported batsmen from India to bat here, going by their recent past here.

4. And finally, the final is in Sachin Tendulkar's backyard.