“Apple Inc. is the abode of god.” This chirpy youngster was not organizing a spiritual enlightenment session when he spread his arms to the glass roof of the central well at the Citi Center in Chennai. Apple is the new religion that gives, and Steve Jobs is the god. His emissaries come in white and black, cold and in aluminium, polyvinyl chloride and glass. The youngster was actually drowned in divine possession. The youngster reflects the orientation of a growing number of youngsters in the world to revere a god that knows exactly what they want and unlike the traditional god, puts millions of the prayers’ answers on showroom shelves across the world in no time.
It is easy to see what attracts so many new people to Apple’s ever-evolving range of products. “With my iPod, I can now listen to music like never before.” said a college girl wearing a skimpy T-shirt that said ‘St.Adam’s school for the deaf volunteer’. She was at a local community center spreading the virtues of the Apple to an assembly of deaf persons, while a cart of iPod cases made their way around in distribution to each of those assembled. When asked what good an iPod would do to the deaf, she poked her hearing aid deep into her ear and reconciled to her own tale, “If you remember what I said you’d notice that I said I can listen to music ‘like never before’. I made the sin of playing music on my TV too loud with my surround speakers. I lost my hearing. I can no longer hear from the TV. But these iPods let me carry music around and straight into my ears. Sure the old mp-3 devices did the same, but I like to watch movies too, and that’s where iPods helped. It is a godsend. If not for this I would have missed all the small joys and excitement of youth.” When reminded that it still would do no good to the deaf by birth assembled in the hall, she grinned, “I never said they’re deaf by birth, did I?”
While hand-held media players like the iPods caught the imagination of the entertainment-holics, Apple had in store something for the more chatty types too. The iPhone 4 is the latest in a series of iPhones, a series of ‘smartphones’, that serve as the traditional low end phones (HTC desire etc) in addition to offering Internet access and doubling up as a PDA too. One fine blazing day there was this dude blocking up traffic behind his Apache at a traffic island nibbling away at something in his palm with what looked like a surgical instrument used to stitch sutures. On asked what in the Lords name he was doing , he stared up and said, “Im lost mister. Do you mind leaving me alone? I dunno how to go back to where I came from. I’m using this GPS history to find out how I came here.” When asked where he came from, he looked further puzzled and said, “Hold on”, and then suddenly cried, “damn! The battery died!! Now I’ll never know where I came from.” A cart vendor selling apples happened to come by and the lad asked him where the nearest Apple store is and followed him. It remains a mystery whether the Apple god got him safely home. An iPhone is listed as a smartphone. With some other phones like Windows phone too called as a smartphone, it ensued a turf war between Microsoft Co and Apple Inc for the smartest phone. Apple founder Steve Jobs is said to be bidding to buy over Microsoft to put an end to the hanging clouds. He has reportedly been pumping money into Microsoft and cozying up with Microsoft founder Bill Gates to clandestinely grab hold of Microsoft and thus consequently, Windows Phone.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZGIn9bpALo)
Another lad elaborated on why a smartphone, especially the iPhone, is called so. “ A smartphone is a smart phone.” On hearing “D’uh!” he hurried, “ I know, I know, just listen. Show me your phone. It’s a Nokia 3110. It’s trash. You can’t play Angry Birds on your phone. You don’t have WiFi or Broadband connectivity on your phone and you can’t download apps. You’re phone can’t play anything but .3gp video clips. Your phone doesn’t have a PDA. But look at my iPhone. I can download apps just because they keep coming, I can play Angry Birds and with my PDA, if I have secretary she will have so little work to do that I can… uh… Never mind that…. My iPhone can do everything. Now that’s smart ain’t it? And I never get lost you know, because my smart iPhone always shows me the way.” Clearly this lad never met the dude who got lost despite an iPhone.
While the goodness of the Apple world is now the word on every street, it has its own share of criticisms and problems. Bart Simpson, leading TV star, thinks Apple and its founder have taken its customer base for losers and claims that Apple is ripping us off (see video in above link). He also claims that its founder dirties every one of his products. Simpson’s mentor, Matt Groening, attributes this to a sinister scheme by Apple to promote another of its latest products – the tablet PC, iPad. “It’s there for everyone to see if you ask me. There are going to millions around the world with ear infections after stuffing their ears with dirtied iPods and iPhones. I would rather bury them near my maple tree; trees could use urea, not our ears. And pretty soon they’re going to have to dish out another 800$ for Apple’s tablets. And pretty soon I’m sure they’ll come up with another product to dissolve the thick block in your esophagus you will have from swallowing such a big table, and like Jobs said himself, you’re all losers. In this case the adage changes to an apple a day is going to keep you at the doctor every day.” Now there is a renewed urgency to spot that partially deaf girl before she makes things worse for the congregation of deaf.
Another concern for Apple is the rising cost from lawsuits it filed against many for brand plagiarism. The most prominent one is the lawsuit against Isaac Newton. “Isuck Newton used our company name and derived undue fame by discovering gravity and laws of motion. He wantonly renamed himself Isuck from Suck and deliberately dozed under an apple tree without prior permission and compiled scientific papers under his name rather than Apple Inc. It’s a breach of copyright, and we are fighting to get the patent name for discovering gravity, laws of motion, alchemy and orbital motion to Apple Inc’s rightful intellectual property.” The priory of science, fighting for Newton decried the allegations. “We strongly condemn Apple’s horrendous defacement of the World’s greatest mind’s name. We on behalf of all physicists, alchemists and engineers stick to our firm stand that Newton does not suck.”
Some other lawsuits are against helpless innocent school kids, small time carpenters, plumbers etc and also Abhishek Bachchan. Bemoans a kindergarten girl, “ Sally, the class leader asked us to think of a good chocolate to give the teachers on teachers day. I said why don’t we get the assorted basket of fruits instead with the apples, oranges and peaches. Then Sally said good idea. And then two mean guys came and took me to a dark room and scared me for getting an idea without getting copyr.. copyrods… I can’t remember the word….sob.. sob…”
Mario, a small time plumber was less careful with his choice of words, “ar.. darn em dose appull bastuds.. All ah do is tell d old lady it a good idear ta fill em buckets before ah empty er tank… bastuds drag me ter court… dey say ah can get me a dear but nod er idear…”
But the suit with most attention is against Hollywood star, Abhishek Bachchan. Apple are confident of winning this suit. “We think there’s no doubt what Bachchan is doing here. It’s not that he alone is infringing our copyrights but he’s asking others to too. He tops the limit. Going on TV and telling the public to ‘get idea’, that’s simply unacceptable. He isn’t making it appear like as to get idea from us. But from him. When a bystander says ‘what an idea sirji’, he clearly implies that he is the one giving ideas and also the statement exclaims that his ideas are superior to ours. And he’s not advertising us, he’s diverting people from Apple to that fake Idea. We are sure to drain Bachchan of every penny”.
Well, now I agree with what the youth are so excited about. Apple is indeed the savior. If it does put an end to Bachchan’s Idea cacophony, then it undoubtedly is, and I will be Apple’s new devotee.
