And furious are the people of India indeed, who have been living life in the FAST lane and are demanding fast (the other fast, denoting quickness) solutions to the menace of corruption, black money stashed in foreign banks and the ever-elusive Lokpal bill. The people are just too impatient for an answer. They have made it clear that their busy lives are no impediment to throw their weight and sound their voices against the malevolent evils plaguing their country. That the awareness of the anti-graft and pro-lokpal movements spread its wings is testimony to how irritating it is when I receive 50 SMSes and 20 E-mails a day urging the 'concerned' voter in me to reply back to the number and express my solidarity. Fed up with the menace of bulk SMSes and E-mails you're average daily office-goer took a day off at the Marina because: 1. No employer would dare call support for Anna Hazare as a flimsy reason for a day off, because if he does, Hazare will demand that the concerned employer be brought under the purview of the Lokpal bill, and 2. the sooner he goes to the Marina and gives a piece of his mind to the bulk SMS sender, he will no longer be disappointed to find an SMS from TD-ANNA while expecting a ':)' from his girlfriend.
But the bigger problem is for the UPA govt in the Capital. They have been forced to a corner by Gandhian Anna Hazare's fast. Anna Hazare has been vocal in his demand to pass the Lokpal bill at the earliest in parliament. That the bill has been in the backburner for 40 years hasn't helped the government's cause. "Hazare's demands are impossible. How can he ask us to pass a bill that has been gathering dust for 40 years. Why I can't find the bill to my refrigerator that I bought last week. Ask Hazare to find the bill and then we shall consider passing it.'"said an exasperated Kapil Sibal. But Hazare's demands go as far as to include members of the civil society in the drafting of the bill. This further displeased Mr.Sibal who went on to say, " Mr. Hazare has to make up his mind. First he tells us that the bill has been 40 years lost. Now he tells us to draft it afresh. Doesn't he know that manipulating, or tampering with, or making a forged copy of an already existing bill given by someone else is against the law?? This is where money laundering starts. By tampering with bills. We in the UPA government, as you all know are steadfast against corruption and black money. If Hazare wants to redraft the bill, legally he has to approach the person who drafted it 40 years ago. I'm not sure where that biller is buried but the UPA can help him get there should he approach us with such a request. And there is no question of including members of the civil society. Then pretty soon members of the electrical, computer, metallurgical, mechanical, architectural, medical and legal societies will want to be in. UPA sincerely believes too many cooks spoil the broth. Oooh, and yeah, the cooking society will want in too."
Fending for help, Sibal was backed by the UPA's veteran bullshit guru Digvijay Singh. Digvijay has sought to disperse all the brouhaha over the Lokpal bill by terming it as a communal demand made by the RSS. After all, it is a known fact that anything to do with RSS is bad. " Hazare is a tool of the RSS. Who else would praise by singling out Narendra Modi as a good example of governance. Not only that, his protest site in April had a painting of 'mother India' similar to the one used by the RSS to depict India. See what does that mean. Does India want a bill that would RSS-ize it? Have you people forgotten what I said? Didn't I tell you that there are RSS elements involved in 26/11? How can the people of this country want a bill that would make India a terrorist country?? Are you people fools? You people should go to a mental asylum..." fumed Dugvijay. When reminded by a colleague that Hazare had already suggested that Digvijay be admitted in a mental asylum (http://indiatoday.intoday.in/site/story/anna-hazare-says-digivijaya-singh-fit-for-mental-asylum/1/141148.html), Digvijay managed, "I don't need advice from a person who has experienced it, but since most of you haven't experienced it, I warn you the experience will be bitter. Imagine having to contend with bullshitters like me all through the day. Thats the life at a mental asylum."
If Hazare wasn't enough, along came Baba Ramdev. Ramdev put forth a list of demands for the government to make come true. The foremost were declaring the stashed away amounts as national property and giving death penalty for the corrupt. Ramdev decided to go on a fast at the Ramlila grounds to highlight his demands. Absurd as it may sound a barrage of ministers from the center met him to give up his fast. When told that taking time off from ministry and pampering to satisfy a Yogi projected the Indian government as jelly-footed, Sibal said, "We were not pampering him. We just went to seek his blessings, which explains why we feel at his feet, grabbed it, begged and cried. " But Ramdev, who continued his fast, attracted a large gathering. The news of the overnight crackdown on the gathering and detainment of Ramdev, who later is claimed to have slipped away in a woman's attire, infuriated the public. The barbaric at didn't go down well. "We just wanted to avert untoward incidents" claimed Home Minister P Chidambaram, "the crowd was too huge for security to control. Especially since our security forces are grossly inadequate and lack basic necessities like night-goggles". When asked what 'untoward' incidents could happen Chidambaram said, " well anything can happen at night, I dont need to tell our young populace. Especially when both genders were present at the gathering. It wont do India's ever exploding population any good. Ha ha ha, ha ha - " (he laughed uncontrollably). And went on to add , "Jokes apart. The real reason was that the gathering was doing extremely dangerous yoga moves and asanas. Moreover, it was too dark to see how Ramdev was doing it. Just imagine if they ended up putting their foot in their mouth, Digvijay does that so well I must say, or turned their heads 360 degrees or split their selves right down the middle. I didn't want infinite cases of torn ligaments, twisted ankles, dislocated shoulders and knees etc in the morning. Prevention better than cure, am I right?". Very right, Indeed!!
Digvijay Singh was not amused with Ramdev's next course of action, his ambition to arm 11,000 people to fight the UPA govt. " See, this is what. He is a fraud. Total fraud. How can he arm 11,000 people on his own? The government is itself struggling to provide modern weaponry to its armed forces, and he claims he can from nowhere arm 11,000 people. And how will he train his army at battle? Oh I see. Yoga improves your concentration and you can aim correctly and strategise intelligently right? Stupid fellow. Instead of training our army, he is going on fasts and others are fasting with him. Oh I see again. That is training to survive in the mountains for days without food. But what's the use, he cannot get any weapons unless he has links with Maoists. Which once again proves my claim that he is a fraud. Don't ask me how Maoists get weapons, I have no idea. Ask Chidambaram. But Ramdev is a fraud" bullshitted Digvijay.
But the bigger problem is for the UPA govt in the Capital. They have been forced to a corner by Gandhian Anna Hazare's fast. Anna Hazare has been vocal in his demand to pass the Lokpal bill at the earliest in parliament. That the bill has been in the backburner for 40 years hasn't helped the government's cause. "Hazare's demands are impossible. How can he ask us to pass a bill that has been gathering dust for 40 years. Why I can't find the bill to my refrigerator that I bought last week. Ask Hazare to find the bill and then we shall consider passing it.'"said an exasperated Kapil Sibal. But Hazare's demands go as far as to include members of the civil society in the drafting of the bill. This further displeased Mr.Sibal who went on to say, " Mr. Hazare has to make up his mind. First he tells us that the bill has been 40 years lost. Now he tells us to draft it afresh. Doesn't he know that manipulating, or tampering with, or making a forged copy of an already existing bill given by someone else is against the law?? This is where money laundering starts. By tampering with bills. We in the UPA government, as you all know are steadfast against corruption and black money. If Hazare wants to redraft the bill, legally he has to approach the person who drafted it 40 years ago. I'm not sure where that biller is buried but the UPA can help him get there should he approach us with such a request. And there is no question of including members of the civil society. Then pretty soon members of the electrical, computer, metallurgical, mechanical, architectural, medical and legal societies will want to be in. UPA sincerely believes too many cooks spoil the broth. Oooh, and yeah, the cooking society will want in too."
Fending for help, Sibal was backed by the UPA's veteran bullshit guru Digvijay Singh. Digvijay has sought to disperse all the brouhaha over the Lokpal bill by terming it as a communal demand made by the RSS. After all, it is a known fact that anything to do with RSS is bad. " Hazare is a tool of the RSS. Who else would praise by singling out Narendra Modi as a good example of governance. Not only that, his protest site in April had a painting of 'mother India' similar to the one used by the RSS to depict India. See what does that mean. Does India want a bill that would RSS-ize it? Have you people forgotten what I said? Didn't I tell you that there are RSS elements involved in 26/11? How can the people of this country want a bill that would make India a terrorist country?? Are you people fools? You people should go to a mental asylum..." fumed Dugvijay. When reminded by a colleague that Hazare had already suggested that Digvijay be admitted in a mental asylum (http://indiatoday.intoday.in/site/story/anna-hazare-says-digivijaya-singh-fit-for-mental-asylum/1/141148.html), Digvijay managed, "I don't need advice from a person who has experienced it, but since most of you haven't experienced it, I warn you the experience will be bitter. Imagine having to contend with bullshitters like me all through the day. Thats the life at a mental asylum."
If Hazare wasn't enough, along came Baba Ramdev. Ramdev put forth a list of demands for the government to make come true. The foremost were declaring the stashed away amounts as national property and giving death penalty for the corrupt. Ramdev decided to go on a fast at the Ramlila grounds to highlight his demands. Absurd as it may sound a barrage of ministers from the center met him to give up his fast. When told that taking time off from ministry and pampering to satisfy a Yogi projected the Indian government as jelly-footed, Sibal said, "We were not pampering him. We just went to seek his blessings, which explains why we feel at his feet, grabbed it, begged and cried. " But Ramdev, who continued his fast, attracted a large gathering. The news of the overnight crackdown on the gathering and detainment of Ramdev, who later is claimed to have slipped away in a woman's attire, infuriated the public. The barbaric at didn't go down well. "We just wanted to avert untoward incidents" claimed Home Minister P Chidambaram, "the crowd was too huge for security to control. Especially since our security forces are grossly inadequate and lack basic necessities like night-goggles". When asked what 'untoward' incidents could happen Chidambaram said, " well anything can happen at night, I dont need to tell our young populace. Especially when both genders were present at the gathering. It wont do India's ever exploding population any good. Ha ha ha, ha ha - " (he laughed uncontrollably). And went on to add , "Jokes apart. The real reason was that the gathering was doing extremely dangerous yoga moves and asanas. Moreover, it was too dark to see how Ramdev was doing it. Just imagine if they ended up putting their foot in their mouth, Digvijay does that so well I must say, or turned their heads 360 degrees or split their selves right down the middle. I didn't want infinite cases of torn ligaments, twisted ankles, dislocated shoulders and knees etc in the morning. Prevention better than cure, am I right?". Very right, Indeed!!
Digvijay Singh was not amused with Ramdev's next course of action, his ambition to arm 11,000 people to fight the UPA govt. " See, this is what. He is a fraud. Total fraud. How can he arm 11,000 people on his own? The government is itself struggling to provide modern weaponry to its armed forces, and he claims he can from nowhere arm 11,000 people. And how will he train his army at battle? Oh I see. Yoga improves your concentration and you can aim correctly and strategise intelligently right? Stupid fellow. Instead of training our army, he is going on fasts and others are fasting with him. Oh I see again. That is training to survive in the mountains for days without food. But what's the use, he cannot get any weapons unless he has links with Maoists. Which once again proves my claim that he is a fraud. Don't ask me how Maoists get weapons, I have no idea. Ask Chidambaram. But Ramdev is a fraud" bullshitted Digvijay.
Soon Ramdev realised he wasn't able t o get any weapons, and went back to fasting and fasted for 9 days till the UPA troubleshooters ass ured him they will concede to some of his demands. Thus Ramdev brought a government to push forward some of his demands. It is here that I must point out that there have been many who have fasted before but have not generated as much support as Ramdev or Hazare. Former Tamil Nadu Chief Minister once fasted for 10 hours to press for rehabilitation of Sri Lankan Tamils. Karunanidhi's fast was attended by a very good gathering of his two wives, sons, his nephews, grand nephews and his political caddies. His fast unto death has been entered in the Limca book of records for the shortest fast unto death of all time.
But the one most ignored is Rajinikanth. If Ramdev was hospitalised for 11 days, imagine Rajinikanth who was hospitalised from May 15th to June 13th. I can thus say that Rajinikanth is the spearhead of the anti-corruption campaign. Which is why just moments after being discharged from his hospital in Singapore, Rajinikanth called up Karunanidhi and advised him to "take care of his health" and don't even think of undertaking anymore 6-hour fasts , even for the release of his daughter arrested in Tihar. "Naa oru thadava viratham potaa, nooru thadava viratham pota maari" flashed Rajinikanth, as he readied to take up the mantle at the forefront of the Fast life from Ramdev and Hazare.
But the one most ignored is Rajinikanth. If Ramdev was hospitalised for 11 days, imagine Rajinikanth who was hospitalised from May 15th to June 13th. I can thus say that Rajinikanth is the spearhead of the anti-corruption campaign. Which is why just moments after being discharged from his hospital in Singapore, Rajinikanth called up Karunanidhi and advised him to "take care of his health" and don't even think of undertaking anymore 6-hour fasts , even for the release of his daughter arrested in Tihar. "Naa oru thadava viratham potaa, nooru thadava viratham pota maari" flashed Rajinikanth, as he readied to take up the mantle at the forefront of the Fast life from Ramdev and Hazare.
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